Friday, June 17, 2011

Culture Challenge of the Week: Underperforming Dads

The following is taken from an email from Rebekah Hagelin's "30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family"

One of the saddest comments I've ever heard came from an embittered college student named Carly: "He's not my dad.  He's just a sperm donor."  
She didn't mean it literally. Her mom and dad were married and had two kids, Carly and a younger brother. But, Carly felt every bit as abandoned as a child who'd never known her father. 
Why? Because her dad was rarely home. He worked hard. But, putting together high-stakes financial deals had always seemed to crowd-out time for ordinary things, like dinner with Carly and her brother. He filled the kids' college funds, but was never there to drive Carly to high school band practice or performances, or help her brother choose the right baseball glove. 
His words of love rang hollow. Years of hurtful neglect -- in spite of material comfort -- had hardened Carly's heart to the point that she didn't care anymore. At least that's what she told herself. 
She'd given up on her father's love.
I thought of Carly's story as I look ahead to Sunday's celebration of Father's Day.  What do kids need most from their dads? 
Research shows clearly how important fathers are in a child's life.  Children raised in homes without a father -- currently about one-third of all U.S. children -- are more likely to be poor, or suffer health problems. They are more likely to underperform in school, get in trouble with the law, and engage in high-risk behaviors (teen sex, drinking, and drugs). But, even children who have a father "present" may experience "father-hunger" -- with consequences for their emotional health, and eventual success in life. 
On the flip side, children whose fathers are emotionally available and responsive fare better as adults than children whose fathers are not.
I asked a seasoned Dad I know for his perspective, and it made sense of Carly's anguish. 
"What kids need from their fathers is their ‘daily bread,'" he said. "Like God -- our Father -- does for us, we need to give our kids what they need to thrive as human beings today, not in some far-off future."
Wise words.  Love must be practical.  Words alone won't feed a child hungry for her "daily bread."     
How to Save Your Family: Be a Provident Dad
A provident dad -- one who provides ‘daily bread' -- inspires trust, affection, gratitude, and love. A child well provided for -- emotionally, spiritually, and physically -- is a child who feels loved. 
So, what does that mean, practically? 
First, "providing well" does not require wealth, nor does it mean fulfilling every wish, or material desire our kids have.
It starts by providing spiritually: pray daily for your children.  If you don't, who will?  Shepherd them firmly, daily, in character growth.  Choose a virtue for your child to work on.  Encourage them as they try to live it, and pray for the wisdom to know which faults to overlook for today.
Second, provide emotionally. Fill their "love tanks" daily, as author Ross Campbell says in his timeless classic, How to Really Love Your Child.  Send a message of love each day by spending one-on-one time, giving physical affection, and making eye contact (with your child, not your smartphone, when your child is speaking).
Third, tend to their daily concerns.  Is the football try-out coming up? Get out there in the 95-degree heat and help your son master a spiral. Do they have a big test tomorrow? Offer to review the material with your daughter; quiz her, or simply tell her you'll pray for her while she takes it.
Fourth, ask other, more experienced dads to share the tips and strategies that have helped them be good dads.  "The Awesome Dad Cheat Sheet" is a great list, written by a father of six, full of practical, time-tested tips to help you be the father your children need.
Finally, just be there. Presence matters.  
You are, after all, irreplaceable.

------
Children need their fathers. And, they need him for more than just teaching how to throw a baseball, or how to bait a hook for fishing. Fathers are there to be spiritual leaders in the household. Just as we look to our Heavenly Father for guidance and comfort, children look to their fathers for the same. However, they can only be that leader when they take an active role in the lives of their children. 
Warmly,
Rebecca
P.S. - If you know someone who would like this message on the role of fathers, please send it to them using the "Forward to a Friend" tool below. You can also encourage them to sign up for their own newsletter at www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com.


Walter's Two Cents

I've been talking to quite a few dads lately and they have been asking me the same thing, "how do I balance everything?"  I don't have the answer!  I suffer from the same thing.  How do I balance my marriage, my family, my ministry, my job?  I DON'T KNOW!!!  The one thing I do know is I have to do it better than I am now.  We all get discouraged thinking we're the worst dad ever.  The best advice I can give is talk to your wife, your kids, and some older Godly men.  If you do have suggestions please share them with the rest of us.

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

"COURAGEOUS" the Movie - Update & Trailer

I'm still waiting to here the theaters that "Courageous" will be in.  Please keeping checking back.  The trailer looks great, take a look.



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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

What Is Your Idol?

Yes, I am still a little perturbed that the NFL hasn't settled yet, but should I be?  I read the following post this morning on Power to Change Blog

What Is Your Idol?
Written by John Grant


“Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.” 1 Corinthians 10:14
It is a word we hear often … in athletics, entertainment and there is even a television show dedicated to it. I refer to the word “idol.” The dictionary defines it as an image used as an object of worship, a false god, or one that is adored, often blindly or excessively.
Any object that becomes a focus of our lives can become our idol. Some things we may think are spiritually neutral really are not. Even things morally neutral, like our career, a sport or any passion other than for God can be our idol. Anything can become demonic when it gains first place in our life.  (read the full article)

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Thursday, May 19, 2011

And Now for Your Viewing Pleasure…

When I was a kid, my dad would always bring home pizza every Friday night after work.  We would stay up ‘til 1am watching old TV shows.  Anybody know what TV show Bob Denver starred in before “Gilligan’s Island”?  The old shows would start with the main characters doing a little commercial.  Each show had a special product that they would hock.  For George Burns and Gracie Allen it was Carnation Milk, Jack Benny was Jello, Ozzie and Harriett was Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix, Groucho Marx was Prom Shampoo, and even Yogi Bear hocked Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.  Anyway, they would finish up with their commercial and then they would say “and now for your viewing pleasure”.  Great now the program was starting!  That’s a good memory.

A lot of us guys have used the same phrase for the start of summer.  And now for your viewing pleasure we present short-shorts, low-cut tops, bikinis, etc.  Summertime can be tough on a guy trying to live Christlike.  The O’Kaysions made it an official pastime in 1959 with what else “Girl Watcher”

I'm a girl watcher
I'm a girl watcher
Watchin' girls go by
My, my, my

I'm a girl watcher
I'm a girl watcher
Here comes one now
Mmmm, mmm, mmm

I was just a boy
When I threw away my toys
I found a new pastime
To dwell on

Whenever I detect
Members of the other sex
I play the game I do so well, oh

I'm a girl watcher
I'm a girl watcher
Watchin' girls go by
My, my, my

I'm a girl watcher
I'm a girl watcher
Here comes one now

Hello there, female
My, my, but you do look swell
Could you please walk
A little slower

I wonder if you know
That you're putting on a show
Could you please walk
A little closer

I'm a girl watcher
I'm a girl watcher
Watchin' girls go by
My, my, my

I'm a girl watcher
I'm a girl watcher
Here comes one now
Mmm, mmm, mmm

Okay let’s get all of the rationalizations out of the way right now.
·   I’m just window-shopping.
·   God wants us to enjoy His creation.
·   I’m just looking, it’s not like I’m going to sleep with her.
·   If she didn’t want me to look she wouldn’t dress that way.
·   Looking never hurt anyone.

Now that we got that out of our system let’s take a look at King David.  2 Samuel 11:1 starts the story of David enjoying a little girl watching.  (vs. 1) Instead of being with his men David is just lounging around the palace. (vs 2) David can’t sleep so he takes a walk on the roof and there is where he got a look at naked Bathsheba.  Now I’ve always taken the philosophy even up to this point David hasn’t done anything wrong.  We’ve all seen things that we didn’t mean to see (internet pop-ups) and that’s not our fault, right?  If we’re on a risky website we certainly greaten our chance of seeing the wrong kind of pop-up.  So if we we’re where we shouldn’t be in the first place, yeah, that’s wrong.  Back to David on the roof.  Did I mention Bathsheba was naked?  It seems that part kind of stuck with David too because he sent for her.  (vs. 4)  David goes from taking a walk to sleeping with one of his general’s wife. I’ll let you read the rest of the story 2 Samuel 11:5 – 12:23.  Shall we go back to the list above?  Just looking, doesn’t hurt anyone.  Have you ever asked your wife if she feels hurt when you look at other women?  I’m guessing the answer would be YES!  Do you think she may feel like Uriah with a spear through her heart?

Again we’re only looking we’re not going to sleep with her.  Remember the statement from a famous person, “depends on what is, is”.  Sleep with her, sex, adultery that’s the line, right?  Old Testament law agrees, Leviticus 20:10 “If there is a man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”  There you go, it’s the act of having sex with someone not your wife! That’s the sin!  Okay as long as we don’t take it that far we’re okay. 

Wait a minute, God wasn’t finished talking to us when Leviticus was written.  He still has plenty to say in the New Testament.  Let’s take a look at Matthew 5.  Jesus has just finished picking His disciples and a crowd starts to gather.  He goes to the mountaintop to speak to them; we know this as the “Sermon on the Mount”.  Jesus starts to reveal new teachings.  It’s not only the act but it’s also the heart attitude.  (vs.21) Jesus starts with us angry people.  “You have heard that the ancients were told ‘You shall not commit murder’”.  (vs. 22) “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court...”  He continues to look into our hearts.  (vs 27-28) “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Guess what, looking is a sin too!

Guys we have to watch out for what we’re watching.  It doesn’t take long for the “and now for your viewing pleasure” attitude to care control of us and lead us down a very dark path.  The next time you think that just a look won’t hurt anyone, remember where it took David.


~Walter E. Homan

Friday, May 6, 2011

Could Marvin Gaye Be Right?

Have you ever noticed that your attitude can affect your whole household?  I’m speaking more to husbands and fathers, but all of our attitudes affect everyone.  When I have a lousy day at work or I come home to screaming kids, how to I react?  Normally scream at everyone and mope around. 

Does it help anyone or any situation when I get angry?  Not normally, it normally goes from bad to worse.  Check out these lyrics.

Anger
By Marvin Gaye 1978

Up and down my back, my spine, in my brain
It injures me, babe....

Anger, can make you old, yes it can
I said anger, can make you sick, children... oh Jesus
Anger destroys your soul
Rage, there's no room for rage in there
There's no room for rage in here
line up some place to go to be mad
It's a sin to treat your body bad

When anger really gets the best of us
We've really lost our heads
We often say a lof of things, oh darlin'
Wish we'd never said
Oh, reason is beyond control
And the things we do spite
Makes me ashamed
And I mean this, baby, makes me want to the things right

Someday soon I hope and pray like Jesus
I'll reach that wiser age
Hope I will learn I really never never profit
From things I do in rage

One more time-anger, more ager
When it's flaming hot
Anger burns to the bitter end
Know what i'm talkin' 'bout
When it cools I find out too late
I have lost at love, love, love, dear friend
I said, anger will make you sick,
children, oh Jesus
Anger destroys your soul

I ain't gonna let you get the best of me, babe
I'm gonna go somewhere and cool
This is not the way my head's supposed to be, babe
You've got me feelin' like some silly fool
But I know a real nice place where I can go
And feel the way I’m supposed to feel

I don't want to be mad at nobody
I don't want to be feelin' bad
Up and down my back, my spine, in my brain
It injures me, babe

Anger, can make you old, yes it can
I said anger will make you sick, children, oh Jesus
Anger destroys your soul
Anger
Anger

It seems to me that Marvin Gaye has a pretty good understanding of the cost of anger.

The funny thing is, it really bothers me when people are angry with me.  I mean why can’t they just show me some mercy?  Oh, mercy!  Maybe I should give that a try myself.  Christ has every reason to be angry with me, yet He freely gives me mercy.  I can’t think of one person who has wronged me as much as I have wronged God.  I guessing that no one has ever gotten an ulcer from mercy either.

God help me to grant as much mercy as you have granted me!


~Walter E. Homan


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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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