One of the saddest comments I've ever heard came from an embittered college student named Carly: "He's not my dad. He's just a sperm donor."
She didn't mean it literally. Her mom and dad were married and had two kids, Carly and a younger brother. But, Carly felt every bit as abandoned as a child who'd never known her father.
Why? Because her dad was rarely home. He worked hard. But, putting together high-stakes financial deals had always seemed to crowd-out time for ordinary things, like dinner with Carly and her brother. He filled the kids' college funds, but was never there to drive Carly to high school band practice or performances, or help her brother choose the right baseball glove.
His words of love rang hollow. Years of hurtful neglect -- in spite of material comfort -- had hardened Carly's heart to the point that she didn't care anymore. At least that's what she told herself.
She'd given up on her father's love.
I thought of Carly's story as I look ahead to Sunday's celebration of Father's Day. What do kids need most from their dads?
Research shows clearly how important fathers are in a child's life. Children raised in homes without a father -- currently about one-third of all U.S. children -- are more likely to be poor, or suffer health problems. They are more likely to underperform in school, get in trouble with the law, and engage in high-risk behaviors (teen sex, drinking, and drugs). But, even children who have a father "present" may experience "father-hunger" -- with consequences for their emotional health, and eventual success in life.
On the flip side, children whose fathers are emotionally available and responsive fare better as adults than children whose fathers are not.
I asked a seasoned Dad I know for his perspective, and it made sense of Carly's anguish.
"What kids need from their fathers is their ‘daily bread,'" he said. "Like God -- our Father -- does for us, we need to give our kids what they need to thrive as human beings today, not in some far-off future."
Wise words. Love must be practical. Words alone won't feed a child hungry for her "daily bread."
How to Save Your Family: Be a Provident Dad
A provident dad -- one who provides ‘daily bread' -- inspires trust, affection, gratitude, and love. A child well provided for -- emotionally, spiritually, and physically -- is a child who feels loved.
So, what does that mean, practically?
First, "providing well" does not require wealth, nor does it mean fulfilling every wish, or material desire our kids have.
It starts by providing spiritually: pray daily for your children. If you don't, who will? Shepherd them firmly, daily, in character growth. Choose a virtue for your child to work on. Encourage them as they try to live it, and pray for the wisdom to know which faults to overlook for today.
Second, provide emotionally. Fill their "love tanks" daily, as author Ross Campbell says in his timeless classic, How to Really Love Your Child. Send a message of love each day by spending one-on-one time, giving physical affection, and making eye contact (with your child, not your smartphone, when your child is speaking).
Third, tend to their daily concerns. Is the football try-out coming up? Get out there in the 95-degree heat and help your son master a spiral. Do they have a big test tomorrow? Offer to review the material with your daughter; quiz her, or simply tell her you'll pray for her while she takes it.
Fourth, ask other, more experienced dads to share the tips and strategies that have helped them be good dads. "The Awesome Dad Cheat Sheet" is a great list, written by a father of six, full of practical, time-tested tips to help you be the father your children need.
Finally, just be there. Presence matters.
You are, after all, irreplaceable.
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Children need their fathers. And, they need him for more than just teaching how to throw a baseball, or how to bait a hook for fishing. Fathers are there to be spiritual leaders in the household. Just as we look to our Heavenly Father for guidance and comfort, children look to their fathers for the same. However, they can only be that leader when they take an active role in the lives of their children.
Warmly,
Rebecca
P.S. - If you know someone who would like this message on the role of fathers, please send it to them using the "Forward to a Friend" tool below. You can also encourage them to sign up for their own newsletter at www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com.
Walter's Two Cents
I've been talking to quite a few dads lately and they have been asking me the same thing, "how do I balance everything?" I don't have the answer! I suffer from the same thing. How do I balance my marriage, my family, my ministry, my job? I DON'T KNOW!!! The one thing I do know is I have to do it better than I am now. We all get discouraged thinking we're the worst dad ever. The best advice I can give is talk to your wife, your kids, and some older Godly men. If you do have suggestions please share them with the rest of us.
Walter's Two Cents
I've been talking to quite a few dads lately and they have been asking me the same thing, "how do I balance everything?" I don't have the answer! I suffer from the same thing. How do I balance my marriage, my family, my ministry, my job? I DON'T KNOW!!! The one thing I do know is I have to do it better than I am now. We all get discouraged thinking we're the worst dad ever. The best advice I can give is talk to your wife, your kids, and some older Godly men. If you do have suggestions please share them with the rest of us.
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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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