And Now for Your Viewing Pleasure…

When I was a kid, my dad would always bring home pizza every Friday night after work.  We would stay up ‘til 1am watching old TV shows.  Anybody know what TV show Bob Denver starred in before “Gilligan’s Island”?  The old shows would start with the main characters doing a little commercial.  Each show had a special product that they would hock.  For George Burns and Gracie Allen it was Carnation Milk, Jack Benny was Jello, Ozzie and Harriett was Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix, Groucho Marx was Prom Shampoo, and even Yogi Bear hocked Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.  Anyway, they would finish up with their commercial and then they would say “and now for your viewing pleasure”.  Great now the program was starting!  That’s a good memory.

A lot of us guys have used the same phrase for the start of summer.  And now for your viewing pleasure we present short-shorts, low-cut tops, bikinis, etc.  Summertime can be tough on a guy trying to live Christlike.  The O’Kaysions made it an official pastime in 1959 with what else “Girl Watcher”

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Watchin' girls go by

My, my, my

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Here comes one now

Mmmm, mmm, mmm

I was just a boy

When I threw away my toys

I found a new pastime

To dwell on

Whenever I detect

Members of the other sex

I play the game I do so well, oh

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Watchin' girls go by

My, my, my

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Here comes one now

Hello there, female

My, my, but you do look swell

Could you please walk

A little slower

I wonder if you know

That you're putting on a show

Could you please walk

A little closer

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Watchin' girls go by

My, my, my

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Here comes one now

Mmm, mmm, mmm

Okay let’s get all of the rationalizations out of the way right now.

·   I’m just window-shopping.

·   God wants us to enjoy His creation.

·   I’m just looking, it’s not like I’m going to sleep with her.

·   If she didn’t want me to look she wouldn’t dress that way.

·   Looking never hurt anyone.

Now that we got that out of our system let’s take a look at King David.  2 Samuel 11:1 starts the story of David enjoying a little girl watching.  (vs. 1) Instead of being with his men David is just lounging around the palace. (vs 2) David can’t sleep so he takes a walk on the roof and there is where he got a look at naked Bathsheba.  Now I’ve always taken the philosophy even up to this point David hasn’t done anything wrong.  We’ve all seen things that we didn’t mean to see (internet pop-ups) and that’s not our fault, right?  If we’re on a risky website we certainly greaten our chance of seeing the wrong kind of pop-up.  So if we we’re where we shouldn’t be in the first place, yeah, that’s wrong.  Back to David on the roof.  Did I mention Bathsheba was naked?  It seems that part kind of stuck with David too because he sent for her.  (vs. 4)  David goes from taking a walk to sleeping with one of his general’s wife. I’ll let you read the rest of the story 2 Samuel 11:5 – 12:23.  Shall we go back to the list above?  Just looking, doesn’t hurt anyone.  Have you ever asked your wife if she feels hurt when you look at other women?  I’m guessing the answer would be YES!  Do you think she may feel like Uriah with a spear through her heart?

Again we’re only looking we’re not going to sleep with her.  Remember the statement from a famous person, “depends on what is, is”.  Sleep with her, sex, adultery that’s the line, right?  Old Testament law agrees, Leviticus 20:10 “If there is a man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”  There you go, it’s the act of having sex with someone not your wife! That’s the sin!  Okay as long as we don’t take it that far we’re okay. 

Wait a minute, God wasn’t finished talking to us when Leviticus was written.  He still has plenty to say in the New Testament.  Let’s take a look at Matthew 5.  Jesus has just finished picking His disciples and a crowd starts to gather.  He goes to the mountaintop to speak to them; we know this as the “Sermon on the Mount”.  Jesus starts to reveal new teachings.  It’s not only the act but it’s also the heart attitude.  (vs.21) Jesus starts with us angry people.  “You have heard that the ancients were told ‘You shall not commit murder’”.  (vs. 22) “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court...”  He continues to look into our hearts.  (vs 27-28) “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Guess what, looking is a sin too!

Guys we have to watch out for what we’re watching.  It doesn’t take long for the “and now for your viewing pleasure” attitude to care control of us and lead us down a very dark path.  The next time you think that just a look won’t hurt anyone, remember where it took David.

~Walter E. Homan

Could Marvin Gaye Be Right?

Have you ever noticed that your attitude can affect your whole household?  I’m speaking more to husbands and fathers, but all of our attitudes affect everyone.  When I have a lousy day at work or I come home to screaming kids, how to I react?  Normally scream at everyone and mope around. 

Does it help anyone or any situation when I get angry?  Not normally, it normally goes from bad to worse.  Check out these lyrics.

Anger

By Marvin Gaye 1978

Up and down my back, my spine, in my brain
It injures me, babe....

Anger, can make you old, yes it can
I said anger, can make you sick, children... oh Jesus
Anger destroys your soul
Rage, there's no room for rage in there
There's no room for rage in here
line up some place to go to be mad
It's a sin to treat your body bad

When anger really gets the best of us
We've really lost our heads
We often say a lof of things, oh darlin'
Wish we'd never said
Oh, reason is beyond control
And the things we do spite
Makes me ashamed
And I mean this, baby, makes me want to the things right

Someday soon I hope and pray like Jesus
I'll reach that wiser age
Hope I will learn I really never never profit
From things I do in rage

One more time-anger, more ager
When it's flaming hot
Anger burns to the bitter end
Know what i'm talkin' 'bout
When it cools I find out too late
I have lost at love, love, love, dear friend
I said, anger will make you sick,
children, oh Jesus
Anger destroys your soul

I ain't gonna let you get the best of me, babe
I'm gonna go somewhere and cool
This is not the way my head's supposed to be, babe
You've got me feelin' like some silly fool
But I know a real nice place where I can go
And feel the way I’m supposed to feel

I don't want to be mad at nobody
I don't want to be feelin' bad
Up and down my back, my spine, in my brain
It injures me, babe

Anger, can make you old, yes it can
I said anger will make you sick, children, oh Jesus
Anger destroys your soul
Anger
Anger

It seems to me that Marvin Gaye has a pretty good understanding of the cost of anger.

The funny thing is, it really bothers me when people are angry with me.  I mean why can’t they just show me some mercy?  Oh, mercy!  Maybe I should give that a try myself.  Christ has every reason to be angry with me, yet He freely gives me mercy.  I can’t think of one person who has wronged me as much as I have wronged God.  I guessing that no one has ever gotten an ulcer from mercy either.

God help me to grant as much mercy as you have granted me!

~Walter E. Homan

________________________________________

Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Nobody Likes a Know-It-All

The auto parts store I worked at when I was in high school had all kinds of sayings posted all over the wall behind the counter.  Looking back, one of my favorites was, “Teenagers, leave home now while you still know everything!”  Granted I didn’t think this was all that great then, but now that I have one teenager and one soon to be teenager; I think its brilliant.

One thing that I do a lot of now that I never would have done before is to ask older or more experienced people for advice and direction.  I used to (I hope I’ve stopped now) be so arrogant that I would tell people that were veterans in their field how they could do it better.  If only I would have shut my mouth more, I can just only imagine how much more I would have learned.

It seems I’m much more open to suggestions from others now but I still fight against it sometimes.  One of the people I seem to fight against is God.  So often I get so convinced that I can do things better my way.  In John 21:3 the disciples, like many of us, when things aren’t going right, we do what we’re used to.  Jesus had just been crucified and the disciples went back to their professions as fishermen.  I do the same thing, I get involved in ministry and things don’t go as planned and I want to drop it.  They fished all night and nothing.  That has to be pretty discouraging for a group up well-seasoned fishermen to be completely skunked all night.  Then in verses 5 & 6 Jesus pays the disciples a visit and asks, “how are they biting?”   It’s bad enough they haven’t caught anything now He tell them “just throw your net on the other side.”  I’m not sure I would have taken that as well as they did.  There was no, “ I no what I’m doing leave me alone”, no they just did it.  Because of their faith, their nets were bursting with fish.

Why am I so slow to listen to the One who knows-it-all?  He has given us an entire instruction book to read.  For years it just collected dust on my shelf.  Now I read it almost daily but I still don’t always follow the instruction.  Are you in the same boat as me?  Sorry for the pun.  Do you react the same way I do many times when I read or I feel God’s prompting, “No thanks God I’ll do it my way!”  I pray someday I have the attitude and faith of those fishermen had that night and just shut up and do it!

________________________________________

Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Balancing the Budget

If you’ve seen the news in the last few weeks, the United States government is about to shut down.  We are just days away from the budget deadline and if it passes before a new budget is voted on and passed, the government will be out of money.  Now the President and the Republican leadership in the House are going back and forth trying to prove who has the better plan and blaming the other for this crisis.  Politics aside, everyone knows that in order to balance any budget you can’t spend more than you take in.  Our government has had this backwards for years so don’t expect too much from the next vote.

Like I said, to balance a budget you need at least an equal amount of deposits to balance your withdraws.  The other night I heard a metaphor for budgets and marriage.  It is called Emotional Bank Account.  I know, I know anything that starts off with the word EMOTIONAL you want to run from.  So do I, normally, but this really makes a lot of sense.  A bank account has deposits and withdraws.  What if you withdraw more than you’ve deposited?  You have a deficit!  For years we’ve almost joked about our national dept, but someday someone is going to have to pay up.  You can’t run a deficit forever.

So how this concept works is really pretty simple.  Deposits build up your wife and withdraws tear her down.  There is one caveat to this.  Normally when you have a bank account the deposits will benefit you by means of interest or just more money.  In this case you can’t think that way.  In this account you can only be concerned with how your deposits will benefit your wife. 

What sides of the ledger to the following situations fall?

·   You come home from work and scream from the front door, “Why isn’t dinner on the table I’m starving?”	Deposit or Withdraw
·   You come home from work and notice that dinner isn’t ready.  You walk up to your wife kiss her on the neck and ask, “How can I help?”	Deposit or Withdraw

By no means am I a rocket scientists but I think I can figure these out.  In my 21+ years married and starting to get this stuff, but in all honesty it normally takes me picking the wrong way first.  After the cold draft starts I get to thinking, it would have probably gone better had I handled that differently.  One thing that I am constantly reminded of is women are wired way different then men.  What most guys and me would think is almost always the direct opposite of the way most women think. 

1 Peter 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.  Understanding way?  This makes me think that women were as confusing to men in New Testament times as they are to us now.  So how do we “live in an understanding way?”  I hate this part, we have to study them.  Your going to hate this one too, ask them what they mean when they start using that foreign language womanese. 

Between some of the good messages I’ve heard lately and the book I’m currently reading, For Men Only! I’m starting to learn how to make a few deposits.  Here are a few ways I’m learning to make deposits with my wife; maybe your wife would like them too.

·   Plan a date night.  Not just once but make it a regular part of your schedule.  I always thought this was just a nice, once in awhile thing, then I learned that she really wants this more often.

·   Find ways to give her a break from the kids.  Whether it’s encouraging her to go out with friends or a ladies Bible study but something.  When doing this, be happy.  If you act begrudgingly to her going she will count this as a withdraw.  I thought I was doing her a favor and I wanted her to know that, then I learned if she leaves while I’m acting like a 2 year old she’ll be thinking about that all night and she won’t enjoy herself.

·   Value her more than money.  We all want to be good providers, work extra hours, take on second jobs; then I learned she would rather have less stuff and have me around the house with her and the kids more.

·   Make sure she knows I love her unconditionally.  I don’t remember doing this, but my wife tells me in an argument several years ago I told her she needed to loose some weight. Then I learned how self-conscious women are about their bodies.  With all the Photoshopped magazines and billboards out there my wife needs to know that I accept her as she is.

·   Listen to her without distractions.  I always “listened” to her while she was talking, and then I learned I couldn’t do this effectively while sitting in front of the tv, computer, etc.

·   Be understanding when she’s not interested in being intimate.  Guys have needs and desires right! Then I learned that women’s motors aren’t revved up all the time like guys.  She needs to be pursued all the time not just when I’m in the mood.

By the way, “then I learned” is code for “after I messed this up I learned…”

So how is your wife’s account been lately?  Have you made more deposits than withdraws?  Is she running a deficit?  I know I still have a lot of work to do.

~Walter E. Homan

________________________________________

Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Rest

Rest has different meanings to different people.  To some it’s a get away from work to hiking, biking, paintballing or some other activity.  To others rest is laying in a hammock.  No matter what your definition, we need rest.

I have a laptop so I can be working no matter where I am.  I use a pda so I can be working no matter where I am.  I have a cell phone so I can be working no matter where I am.  Is anyone seeing a pattern here?  It’s good to be active and God commands us to work, but to what degree?  Genesis 2:2 “By the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.”  God rested!  If I’m looking at this right, the Creator of the universe put aside His busy schedule and rested.  What are we doing that is so important that we can’t rest? 

Insert your own list here. 

Here’s mine:

·      Work at work

·      Work at building my own business

·      Work at church

·      Work on my house

·      Work at being a better dad

·      Work at being a better husband

Here’s the really sad part, this is the order that they came to my mind.  I think I have some priority issues.

Work is good.  Work provides for our families.  Work helps society.  Work helps ministries.  Work fights idle hands that would wonder into sin. 

Too much work drains us.  Too much work puts our marriages and families at risk.  Too much work puts our health at risk.  Too much work messes up our priorities.  Too much work makes us weak against Satan’s temptings.

What would happen if we didn't sleep?

A good way to understand the role of sleep is to look at what would happen if we didn't sleep. Lack of sleep has serious effects on our brain's ability to function. If you've ever pulled an all-nighter, you'll be familiar with the following after-effects: grumpiness, grogginess, irritability and forgetfulness. After just one night without sleep, concentration becomes more difficult and attention span shortens considerably.

With continued lack of sufficient sleep, the part of the brain that controls language, memory, planning and sense of time is severely affected, practically shutting down. In fact, 17 hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol level of 0.05% (two glasses of wine). This is the legal drink driving limit in the UK.

Research also shows that sleep-deprived individuals often have difficulty in responding to rapidly changing situations and making rational judgments. In real life situations, the consequences are grave and lack of sleep is said to have been be a contributory factor to a number of international disasters such as Exxon Valdez, Chernobyl, Three Mile Island and the Challenger shuttle explosion.

Sleep deprivation not only has a major impact on cognitive functioning but also on emotional and physical health. Disorders such as sleep apnoea which result in excessive daytime sleepiness have been linked to stress and high blood pressure. Research has also suggested that sleep loss may increase the risk of obesity because chemicals and hormones that play a key role in controlling appetite and weight gain are released during sleep.

(The Science of Sleep, BBC, http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/articles/whatissleep.shtml)

I think God knocked me down a few pegs this week.  I just couldn’t function.  I ended up with a high fever and my body just shut down until I got the rest I needed to recover. 

Ecc. 5:12 “The sleep of the working man is pleasant…”

~Walter E. Homan

The Same Old Song – 2000 years later

This week we have an article written by Chaplain Jim Freed from America's Keswick.
Here is a quick description of their ministry:

America's KESWICK is a ministry that teaches and models the Victorious Christian Life message through Addiction Recovery for men and their loved ones, through Christian Conferences, Concerts, and Events, through Training and Resources, and by providing rental facilities and service to other like-minded organizations.

The Same Old Song – 2000 years later

         As you enter the fireplace room in the Colony of Mercy Addiction Recovery Ministry from the softball field, and approach the drinking fountain, you will see a beautiful painting hanging on the wall of the outcast Samaritan woman at the well spoken of in the Gospel of John, chapter 4. Her story is a familiar one, often used to teach the colony residents about the topic of Outreach, a part of their curriculum. The challenge that we as chaplains, or any bible teacher for that matter, face to interpret the Word of God in a way that is relevant to the day in which we now live. This story lends itself very well to that end.
         You see the story of the woman at the well speaks of a woman, who was considered by most people that knew her as a loser, but not by Jesus. She is a five time divorcee, living in sin, who comes out in public only when others are not likely to be around.  She is trying to satisfy a thirst that she perceives as physical. Jesus Christ knows otherwise and steers the conversation to address her spiritual need instead. The meeting occurred at a significant place, Jacob’s well, which is a documented historical site. God just seems to show up at some places more than others. When the woman realizes that she has been confronted, then blessed by the Messiah, her reaction is understandable. The bible says; The woman then left her waterpot, went her way into the city, and said to the men, "Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" (John 4:28-29 NKJV)  The fact that she left the very thing that she was intending on using to satisfy her thirst is notable, coupled with the fact that she was compelled, not coerced to go out and tell others.
         Now let’s look at a parallel story that takes place two thousand years later, and involves a man named Eddie. Eddie is a likeable guy, but had been written off by many as a cocaine addict. Even the doctor had given Eddie less than a month to live, so he was at the end of his rope, as most men are when they arrive at the Colony of Mercy. The Colony is also is one of those historical sites where God just seems to show up. Eddie, like the woman at the well, was trying to satisfy a hunger that he didn’t understand either. The counselor at the Colony recognized the nature of Eddie’s need as spiritual, so he introduced him to Jesus Christ. When Eddie realized that he had been confronted and then blessed by the Messiah, his reaction was the same as hers two thousand years ago. Except Eddie left his crack pipe, that heonce used to satisfy his thirst, and also went out to tell others. In fact, he went all the way to the Bahamas, and began working with children at a place he affectionately refers to as an Americas Keswick for kids! Now as you can see, the result of being impacted by the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the same today as it was two thousand years ago.

         The key to understanding the application of this text is that addiction of any sort is biblically defined as idolatry. The hunger that we are trying to satisfy can only be satisfied by an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. (Psalms 63:5 NKJV) The woman at the well left her water pot and her endless search for sexual satisfaction. Eddie left his crack pipe. What is it that God is calling and empowering you to leave?

                                                               Chaplain Jim Freed

________________________________________

Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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But I Didn’t Do Anything Wrong!

Last Saturday, my son and I drove up to north Jersey to go to a wild turkey hunting seminar.  It was a gorgeous day for a 2-hour drive and to spend some time with my son.  We stopped at McDonalds a few miles short of the Fish and Game Center for some burgers and fries and back on the road.  It’s hard to imagine that that area is in New Jersey.  If you’ve never been to the northwest corner of the state, it’s full of rolling hills, farms, and small towns. 

Shortly after going through a town I saw lights go on in my rearview mirror.  Like any law-abiding citizen I pulled over to let the cop chase down the guy.  The cop pulled over right behind me.  There must be some mistake!  I turned to my son, “that light was green wasn’t it?”  My son confirmed.  “License and registration”.  I kept telling myself “this is a mistake”.  I handed over everything and waited.  A few minutes later the officer returned to my truck door, “why are you in such a hurry?”  Now I know this is a mistake, the light just turned green and my old truck couldn’t possibly be speeding in that short a distance.  He then explained to me what I had done wrong.  The car in front of me had made a right turn into the gas station and I went around him on the left and when I did I crossed the double line.  On March 6, 2011 I got my very first ticket.  After 23 years with a perfect driving record and now had a ticket.

How many times have we said something like “I didn’t do anything wrong”, “that’s not my fought”, or “but he did something worse than me”?  I know in my 23 years of driving I have broken numerous laws.  So why do I get so upset when I get called on something that I perceive as small? 

The Bible reminds me that I can’t use the phrase “I didn’t do anything wrong”.  1 John 1:8 “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.”  That’s kind of depressing if you really think about it.  No matter how good I think I am I just don’t measure up. John is telling us that it’s impossible for us to be perfect.  I really hate when someone tells me I’m wrong.  For me, it’s a pride issue.  Ok, maybe I messed up but I can fix it.  No I can’t!  There is nothing that I can do to erase my sin.  I almost wrote mistakes, but doing sin isn’t really a mistake as much as it is a choice and all to often I choose to go against God’s law.

I’m glad God doesn’t leave me down in the dumps, look at verse 9, “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  There’s hope!  No, nothing that I can do, but there is hope that our history can be deleted.  We’ll i may still have some issues I have to deal with on earth but I know that God has taken away the eternal punishment.  A new start, back to a clean driving record!

The officer did write me up for a lesser infraction, I had something hanging from my rearview mirror.  I still had a $54 fine but no points on my license.  I don’t know if that office was a believer or not but he did teach me a lesson on grace.  I’m glad God gives me grace.  It would be nice to keep my clean driving record but I’m more thankful to be offered a clean life record.

~Walter E. Homan

10 ESSENTIALS FOR THOSE NEW TO RECOVERY FROM SEXUAL SIN

Hey guys, we're going to take a little different road this week.  I had a friend of mine, Jeff, ask if he could contribute an article for the newsletter and my blog.  Considering the age we live in I thought it was very well timed.  I just read an article from Paul Caughlin in an email from Focus on the Family that reminds me that we're all susceptible to the temptations of porn.  Here is a clip from that article:

"Christians aren’t immune. When surveyed, 53% of men
who attended Promise Keeper said they viewed pornography that week. 

More than 45% of Christians admit that pornography is a major problem in their home. 

An anonymous survey conducted recently by Pastors.com reported that 54% of
pastors admitted viewing porn within the last year."
Pornography and Virtual Infidelity

Jeff Fisher from porntopurity.com has a great ministry to those recovering and healing from sexual sin.  There is more info on Jeff after the article.

10 ESSENTIALS FOR THOSE NEW TO RECOVERY FROM SEXUAL SIN

I want to offer some top tips for you who are new to recovery.  These are lessons I’ve had to struggle through in my own recovery, but I find them to be universal with most guys who want freedom from sexual sin.

1.  The quicker you go to counseling the better.
Sexual sin is MUCH bigger than you.  You need wise people around you to help you process your crisis and help you go underneath the surface.  We have been acting out sexually for many reasons.  Counselors know what questions to ask and have worked with may who struggle just like you.  Break the ice on going to a counselor.  Find a Christian counselor who has training in sexual struggles.  It is money well spent!

2.  The quicker you go to a support group the better.
Second only to a counselor, a support group is the best place to find healing and victory over sexual sin.  You need to know you’re not alone.  You need other guys to walk with you in the mud.  You need to learn to come out of isolation and into real relationships.  Support groups do all that and more.

3.  Sexual struggles open the door for God to work in many areas.
At first, we think recovery is only about stopping our sexual behaviors.   But God ends up using your sexual struggles as a springboard to work on many issues in your life.  We are out of wack sexually, but also relationally, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.  Expect God to do His good surgery in many areas of your life.

4.  Sex is not your greatest need.
One of the biggest lies we believe is that we can’t live with out sex and that sex is the highest pleasure achievable.  Our greatest needs are in other areas.  We have a deep need to know God.  We have a deep need to know others and to be known by others.  The sooner you understand that it’s not about the orgasm, the further along in recovery you’ll be.  Trust me on this one!

5.  Recovery has little to do with your outward behavior.
This is probably the biggest shocker to me.  I focused on my behaviors for decades and was counseled to do the same.  Our outward sexual behaviors are the tip of the iceburg.  The bulk of our recovery is underneath the surface.  We need healing from wounds.  We need to learn to express our emotions in a healthy way.  We need deep intimate friendships.  We need to learn to be selfless and serve others.  Stopping behaviors is relatively easy.  Healing on the inside takes much more time and effort.

6.  It’s worse than you think.
We are not the best judges of our own sexual health.  We have been blinded to our true condition.  Every sexual struggler in recovery says at some point, “I can’t believe who I used to be and what I used to do.  I was such a different person back then.”  If you’re new to recovery, you can’t see how far off course you are.  You can’t see the erosion that has taken place in your relationships and in your personal life.  Let this soak in:  Jeff tells me I am worse than I think I am. I have more to work on than I realize.

7.  Replacing lies with truth is critical to recovery.
We also can’t see the lies that we have believed.  My counselor reminds me that with every wound there is a lie that I have believed.  It’s not until you start seeing the truth that you will uncover the lies you have believed.  God’s Word will help you with this.  So will counselors, your spouse, your support group, and close friends who know your story.

8.  Work toward full disclosure.
Ooooh.  We don’t like to think about this.  But the sooner you come clean, the better.  Get the help from a counselor on how to come clean and with whom.  Those closest to you need to know.  Your spouse needs to know.  The people you have been directly involved with need to know.  Not every person needs to know every detail, but you need to quit hiding and share the truth.  When you hold onto secrets and hide you walk in the darkness.  God calls us to “walk in the light”.

9.  Pain and suffering are necessary for deep recovery.
There are no shortcuts to recovery.  There are no quick fixes.  You cannot save yourself from pain and suffering.  Breaking free from sexual sin involves challenge, hurt, brokenness, withdrawal and grieving.  You will have to suffer consequences.  You will have to see that your actions have hurt others.  Go for a deep recovery.  The only way for our recovery to go deep is if we let God push his scalpel in and scrape out all of the junk.

10. God is close and wants to bear the burden with you.
As tough as these tips are, I want you to think about this one the most.  You are not alone.  God is here.  He will help you.  He wants your recovery even more than you and He knows how to get there.  You may go through a lot of hard times, but God will always be a strong shoulder you can lean on.  He helps carry us through the toughest of times.  Be encouraged by this.

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Jeff Fisher lives in Raleigh, NC.  He and his wife run the site www.porntopurity.com, a site designed to offer hope, encouragement and resources to those who are affected by sexual sin.  Checkout Jeff’s podcasts on I-Tunes:  Top Tips For Sexual Purity, Top Verses For Sexual Purity, and For Ministers Who Struggle.
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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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I Want to Know What Love Is

If you’re in your late 30’s or early 40’s you’re like me and were a teen in the 80’s.  We were lucky enough with the bands of the 70’s and 80’s.  I mean not just some wimpy teeny-bopper bands like today, but these were some established rock bands that wrote some awesome songs. Many of these bands wrote some great ballads as well. I used to crank this stuff all the time.  That’s what we did, right?  I drove around with my girl friend in my ’68 Chevelle, back when they really were hot rods not just chick cars with subwoofers.  We listened to all those songs and we thought we had it all figured out.

Ok, fast forward a few years and I’m getting married.  Standing at the altar and my soon to be wife walks into the room on the arm of her father, my first thought was “I’m getting married!?!?”  Don’t get me wrong, I was in love with her, I mean I knew all the songs by heart.

Fast forward a few more years.  I’m a married guy and I’m wondering why my wife is upset with me.  Every morning before I left for work I would tell her, “I love you” because I still remembered what it meant.  So what was bugging her?  In 1984 Foreigner released the song “I Want to Know What Love Is”.  Here’s the chorus:

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me.

I was beginning to get the feeling that saying “I love you” was not showing her that I loved her.

The Bible uses three different words for our word love.  Phileo is friendship love, Philadelphia – city of brotherly love.  Next is eros.  This is passion, sexual, or erotic.  Sadly our world has high jacked this and told everyone this is real love.  Soap operas, porn, tv, and movies portray people jumping into bed and say that it’s love.  In God’s plan of marriage first and sex second, eros love is a great thermometer of our relationship, but the world thinks it’s a thermostat.  What I mean is the world thinks if we have great sex our relationship will get better.  The truth is, if your marriage relationship is great you’ll have great sex.  The last, and in my opinion, the greatest love is agape.  This is the self-sacrificing love, the selfless love, the willing to give up our wants to please our spouse.

In Ephesians 5:25, Paul tells us how we are to love our wives, “as Christ loved the church”.  He died for the church, remember?  1 John 3:16 “We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”  I think that is probably the ultimate in self-sacrificing.  John even tells us that we should be willing to die for the brethren.  We should be agape loving our fellow believers, and I think you could argue all mankind.  Christ didn’t only die for Christians; He died for all.  Here is another part that the world gets wrong, agape love isn’t reciprocal.  It’s not give and take; it’s all give.  Our goal should be to please others.  Paul write for us in Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  While we were living against God’s law, he still loved us enough to die.  We can’t “love” our wives according to what she does for us; we are commanded to love our wives because we are to mirror Christ.  This falls into all of our relationships.  We can’t only love our kids when they get good grades or score more points. 

Likewise, I believe that showing agape love towards our neighbors and the world in general is the best way to win them to Christ.  By consisting serving your neighbor he may wonder “why do you shovel my snow even I yell at your kids?”, “what’s so different about you?”.

Agape love is what holds marriages together for 60 years.  Agape love builds long lasting friendships.  Agape love brings people to Christ.

~Walter E. Homan

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Let's Hang Our Camo In The Closet And Only Use It When We're In The Wild

A Daily Study of God's Word for Christian Sportsmen February 4, 2011

Today's Photograph . . . . Let's Hang Our Camo In The Closet And Only Use It When We're In The Wild (MQ) Bible Study Verse Matthew 26:73-74 After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, "Surely you are one of them, for your accent gives you away." Then he began to call down curses on himself and he swore to them, "I don't know the man!" (NIV) Thoughts I couldn't have been any closer. The big eight-point buck was less than two feet away! As he stepped slightly behind me, he caught my scent and was gone, leaving only my heart pounding in my chest. What a rush! I had been squirrel hunting in Northeast Arkansas when the encounter happened. I was sitting on the ground just on the edge of a power line right-of- way. Thanks to my excellent camouflage, the buck didn't see me as he patrolled the highline. The wind was perfect and he came right up to me. Had it not been for good wind direction and my good camouflage clothing, this encounter would have never happened. (Brian H) Action Point Man! There is nothing like a good set of camouflage hunting clothes. It's helpful, it's functional, and it's even been made decorative in today's culture. Let's face it, camo is in! However, there's a type of camouflage that's not good at all. The camouflage that Christians put on in order to blend in. We're so afraid of being recognized and ridiculed that we're like Peter around the fire. "Hey, I don't know Him!" We've become masters of blending in to the point that it actually surprises people when they find out that we are Christians. How sad a testimony to our Savior this is. OK, sportsmen around the world, let's hang our camouflage in the closet and only use it when we're in the wild. When we're out in the world, let's make it our purpose to NOT blend in. Let's make it our purpose to stand out like a light on a hill - a lighthouse that prevents our world from totally crashing and burning on the rocks of sin and eternal punishment. There are encounters for God that will never happen as long as we're blending in so well that the world thinks we're one of them. God bless you, friend, as you strive to stand out!!!

Sportsmen's Tip of the Day Add a tiny drop or two of mineral oil and a light dusting of salt to your rubber tube jigs and plastic artificial baits to keep them from melting in the summer heat and sticking together. The salt adds a bit of flavor to them as well.

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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God’s Job Description for Men - Prophet Priest and King Series / Part 3 - A Godly Man’s Role as King

We often look across the pond to England and view the royals when we think of kings and queens.  We see them as figureheads more than anything else.  We see them ride in chariots and Rolls Royce’s; vacationing in exotic places, and throwing lavish parties that would cost us a lifetime of paychecks to pay for.  If you recall just a few months ago, Prince Charles was attacked because of the people rage against the privileged royal family while the rest of England struggles to survive.

Deuteronomy 17:15-20 gives us a good list of what was required by God for the king of Israel:

·      Chosen by God vs. 15

·      Shall not multiply horses for himself vs. 16

·      Shall not multiply wives vs. 17

·      Shall not increase silver and gold for himself vs.17

·      He shall write a copy of the scripture and keep it with him always and to obey it vs.19

·      Shall not be lifted up above his countrymen vs.20

·      Shall not turn away from the commandments vs.20

So what is the picture of a Christlike king?  What would his traits be? 

First he would have to be willing to make himself a servant-leader.  Servant-leader?  Seems like an oxymoron doesn’t it?  I thought we were talking about being a king?  In Matthew 20:25 Jesus warns us of worldly kings wielding their authority over us.  In vs. 26-28 He lays it out for us, “It is not this way among you, abut whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”  If you beat your wife over the head with your authoritative position as king you’ll never know what it’s like to be loved and respected by her.  You may be feared but is that your goal?  The end of vs. 28 tells us plainly “to give His life”.  Our culture frowns on servant hood but it’s truly a high calling.  Please don’t confuse this with slavery.  Neither the husband nor wives are to be slaves, remember Eve came from Adam’s side not his foot. 

Lets hit the second part of servant-leader.  Leadership seems to be lost in modern families.  With shows like “the Simpsons”, “Home Improvement”, “According to Jim”, and many others; fathers/men are looked at as buffoons.  Men can’t do anything right and they’re always acting immature and selfish.  No wonder we have a bunch of messed up kids growing up, they’ve never seen a real man act like a real man.  Leadership is not being some kind of a tyrant but it is ruling your house.  Like it or not guys we are responsible in the sight of God for what goes on with our wives and kids.  I’m not saying adults aren’t responsible for their own choices, I’m saying that it is our job to make sure we taught and trained them well.  2 Samuel 22:3-4 says “…He who rules over men righteously, who rules in the fear of God, is as the light of the morning when the sun rises, a morning without clouds, when the tender grass springs out of the earth, through sunshine after rain.”

So what does a leader do?  HE LEADS! Duh!  He doesn’t follow his wife to church; he leads her to church.  He doesn’t listen quietly while she reads the Bible to him; he takes her by the hand, sits down with her, and leads her in Bible study.  He doesn’t stare at the floor while she corrects the children; he steps up takes their wrath and leads his kids in Biblical discipline.  I was guilty of all of this.  I sat by and let my wife do everything.  I found she lost respect for me, I lost respect for me, and I wasn’t following God’s plan for being a man.

A Godly king will: look to God and the Bible for guidance and wisdom, serve his wife and family, encourage them to seek after God’s plan for their life, provide for them both physically and spiritually, protect them, and lead and train them in Godly teachings.

Let’s follow Christ in being the Prophets, Priests, and Kings to our families that God has called us to be.

~Walter E. Homan

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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End Your Season Well

I read this morning and it reminded me of how we have so many eyes on us. We need to guard our integrity, temptation is all around and it takes on many shapes.

Post from:  http://www.christianitytoday.com/moi/2011/001/february/4.4.html

End Your Season Well
Theme of the week: A Hunter's Guide to Holiness
Friday, February 4, 2011

Key Bible Verse: for I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ's return. (Philippians 1:10) Dig Deeper: Philippians 1:9-11

The old fellow stood at the fence and looked longingly at the huge deer that had just jumped it. As if tempting him to shoot, the buck stood there for what seemed like forever and then ran away.

"Why didn't you take the shot, Gramps?" the young hunter asked.

The seasoned hunter remained motionless, looking toward the one that got away. Then he spoke softly. "Boy, you know me better than that. And you know very well that the land on the other side of this fence is off limits."

The grandson grew very quiet as his grandfather continued. "Young man, I've been around for a lot of years and managed to build a pretty good reputation for being on the up-and-up when it comes to following the rules. I'm not about to let an old buck tempt me into messing up now. I'm too close to the end of my season for such foolishness."

No shots were fired that day, but a great harvest took place in the boy's heart. He learned firsthand what integrity looks like. If he imitated what was personified in the life of his gramps, the young man would do well in and out of the woods.

—Steve Chapman in A Look at Life from a Deer Stand Devotional

My Response: When I am tempted to "break the rules," I will stop and evaluate the impact the decision would have on myself and others.

Thought to Apply: You must bless the church and the world by your holiness, or you will curse them both by your hypocrisy and inconsistency.—Charles Spurgeon (British preacher)

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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God’s Job Description for Men - Prophet Priest and King Series / Part 2 - A Godly Man’s Role as Priest

This week we are going to look our role as priest, no robe required.  The priests of the Old Testament had two major responsibilities: leading worship and interceding for the people.

In the modern church we immediately hear “leading worship” and we think of a song leader.  That certainly is part of it.  How did the priests lead worship?  Lets take a look at a few examples: Noah (Gen. 8:20), Abraham (12:7; 13:4), Isaac (26:25), Jacob (31:54), and Job (Job 1:5).  These men led their family in worship by building an altar and offering a sacrifice.  The reason for sacrifice varied.  Some were offered in thanksgiving, some for first fruits, and some were for to ask forgiveness of sins against God law. 

Easton’s Bible Dictionary describes it as “homage rendered to God”.  Now we can’t offer sacrifices in the same manner that they did but we can still offer them with same spirit.  In what ways can we offer homage?  Music?  Have you ever paid attention to the words of worship songs?  Several of them are love songs to God.  Have you ever lead your family in worship music?  As much as I love music, I don’t think I’ve ever done that.  How about prayer?  When you’ve benefited from God’s grace have you led your family in thankful worship?  God wants to hear from us.  I used to pray the same ”blessing” at every meal.  Ready, here it is “God is great, God is good, now we thank you for this food, amen.”  Now how’s that first deep meaningful prayer?  We get stuck in a rut of speaking christianese to impress who?  God?  I’ve since learned that we need to be real and teach our kids to be real in front of God.  I believe we need speak to God and as would talk to our closest friend.  It’s also incredibly important that we do this in front of our kids and others that look up to us.  They need to see that this is a real relationship.  For some reason we breakout in to old English and we God seem so distant.  We need to get rid of the “thy’s” and “thou’s” out of our prayers.  Our praise and worship has to be real, not rehearsed, not to impress other, just genuine.

As priests we have another responsibility, that of intercessor for our families.  An intercessor is a go between, someone that petitions a higher power on behalf of a lesser power.  Jesus is our intercessor, 1 Timothy 2:5-6 For there is one God, and one mediator also between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, 6 who ^agave Himself as a ransom for all, the testimony given at the proper time.  John 17 gives us an example of what an intercessor should do.  In this chapter Jesus make six different requests or petitions to God.  My Bible titles this the High Priestly Prayer.

1.     Vs. 1, that He(Jesus) would glorify God.  Are we praying that we and our family and friends are glorifying God?

2.     Vs. 3, that others/desciples would know God.  In Phil 1:9, Paul prays that the Philipians would grow in knowledge.   We need to be praying for our families spiritual knowledge.  How to they learn?  It’s our responsibility to provide them with ways to grow.  Family devotions, taking them to church, and talking about the things of God are all ways for them to learn.

3.     Vs. 11, that they would be keep them by his power.  The NIV uses the word protect for keep.  We need to not only pray for their physical safety, but also for their spiritual.  If Satan can’t get us, he will surly go for our kids.

4.     Vs. 17, sanctify them in truth.  We need to be praying for purity for our families and us.  Guys you know as well as I do how easy it would be take just click on that link.  What can our kids access?

5.      Vs. 23, unity.  Unity in church as well as at home.  Do your kids ever fight?  How about you and your wife.

6.     Vs. 24, continual relationship.  I forget what the statistic was exactly but I households where the father takes the family to church, I think it was close to 70% stayed in church compared to 20% were the father didn’t go.

We all pray for safety and grades but are we praying for the deeper things?  Single guys you aren’t off the hook.  You can be praying for all of these things for you families and friends.  Let’s make it a point to get out of the rut and get into some deep conversations with God and brings our loved ones needs with us.

~Walter E. Homan

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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