Culture Challenge of the Week: Underperforming Dads

The following is taken from an email from Rebekah Hagelin's "30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family"

One of the saddest comments I've ever heard came from an embittered college student named Carly: "He's not my dad.  He's just a sperm donor."  

She didn't mean it literally. Her mom and dad were married and had two kids, Carly and a younger brother. But, Carly felt every bit as abandoned as a child who'd never known her father. 

Why? Because her dad was rarely home. He worked hard. But, putting together high-stakes financial deals had always seemed to crowd-out time for ordinary things, like dinner with Carly and her brother. He filled the kids' college funds, but was never there to drive Carly to high school band practice or performances, or help her brother choose the right baseball glove. 

His words of love rang hollow. Years of hurtful neglect -- in spite of material comfort -- had hardened Carly's heart to the point that she didn't care anymore. At least that's what she told herself. 

She'd given up on her father's love.

I thought of Carly's story as I look ahead to Sunday's celebration of Father's Day.  What do kids need most from their dads? 

Research shows clearly how important fathers are in a child's life.  Children raised in homes without a father -- currently about one-third of all U.S. children -- are more likely to be poor, or suffer health problems. They are more likely to underperform in school, get in trouble with the law, and engage in high-risk behaviors (teen sex, drinking, and drugs). But, even children who have a father "present" may experience "father-hunger" -- with consequences for their emotional health, and eventual success in life. 

On the flip side, children whose fathers are emotionally available and responsive fare better as adults than children whose fathers are not.

I asked a seasoned Dad I know for his perspective, and it made sense of Carly's anguish. 

"What kids need from their fathers is their ‘daily bread,'" he said. "Like God -- our Father -- does for us, we need to give our kids what they need to thrive as human beings today, not in some far-off future."

Wise words.  Love must be practical.  Words alone won't feed a child hungry for her "daily bread."     

How to Save Your Family: Be a Provident Dad

A provident dad -- one who provides ‘daily bread' -- inspires trust, affection, gratitude, and love. A child well provided for -- emotionally, spiritually, and physically -- is a child who feels loved. 

So, what does that mean, practically? 

First, "providing well" does not require wealth, nor does it mean fulfilling every wish, or material desire our kids have.

It starts by providing spiritually: pray daily for your children.  If you don't, who will?  Shepherd them firmly, daily, in character growth.  Choose a virtue for your child to work on.  Encourage them as they try to live it, and pray for the wisdom to know which faults to overlook for today.

Second, provide emotionally. Fill their "love tanks" daily, as author Ross Campbell says in his timeless classic, How to Really Love Your Child.  Send a message of love each day by spending one-on-one time, giving physical affection, and making eye contact (with your child, not your smartphone, when your child is speaking).

Third, tend to their daily concerns.  Is the football try-out coming up? Get out there in the 95-degree heat and help your son master a spiral. Do they have a big test tomorrow? Offer to review the material with your daughter; quiz her, or simply tell her you'll pray for her while she takes it.

Fourth, ask other, more experienced dads to share the tips and strategies that have helped them be good dads.  "The Awesome Dad Cheat Sheet" is a great list, written by a father of six, full of practical, time-tested tips to help you be the father your children need.

Finally, just be there. Presence matters.  

You are, after all, irreplaceable.

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Children need their fathers. And, they need him for more than just teaching how to throw a baseball, or how to bait a hook for fishing. Fathers are there to be spiritual leaders in the household. Just as we look to our Heavenly Father for guidance and comfort, children look to their fathers for the same. However, they can only be that leader when they take an active role in the lives of their children. 

Warmly,

Rebecca

P.S. - If you know someone who would like this message on the role of fathers, please send it to them using the "Forward to a Friend" tool below. You can also encourage them to sign up for their own newsletter at www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com.


Walter's Two Cents

I've been talking to quite a few dads lately and they have been asking me the same thing, "how do I balance everything?"  I don't have the answer!  I suffer from the same thing.  How do I balance my marriage, my family, my ministry, my job?  I DON'T KNOW!!!  The one thing I do know is I have to do it better than I am now.  We all get discouraged thinking we're the worst dad ever.  The best advice I can give is talk to your wife, your kids, and some older Godly men.  If you do have suggestions please share them with the rest of us.

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Nobody Likes a Know-It-All

The auto parts store I worked at when I was in high school had all kinds of sayings posted all over the wall behind the counter.  Looking back, one of my favorites was, “Teenagers, leave home now while you still know everything!”  Granted I didn’t think this was all that great then, but now that I have one teenager and one soon to be teenager; I think its brilliant.

One thing that I do a lot of now that I never would have done before is to ask older or more experienced people for advice and direction.  I used to (I hope I’ve stopped now) be so arrogant that I would tell people that were veterans in their field how they could do it better.  If only I would have shut my mouth more, I can just only imagine how much more I would have learned.

It seems I’m much more open to suggestions from others now but I still fight against it sometimes.  One of the people I seem to fight against is God.  So often I get so convinced that I can do things better my way.  In John 21:3 the disciples, like many of us, when things aren’t going right, we do what we’re used to.  Jesus had just been crucified and the disciples went back to their professions as fishermen.  I do the same thing, I get involved in ministry and things don’t go as planned and I want to drop it.  They fished all night and nothing.  That has to be pretty discouraging for a group up well-seasoned fishermen to be completely skunked all night.  Then in verses 5 & 6 Jesus pays the disciples a visit and asks, “how are they biting?”   It’s bad enough they haven’t caught anything now He tell them “just throw your net on the other side.”  I’m not sure I would have taken that as well as they did.  There was no, “ I no what I’m doing leave me alone”, no they just did it.  Because of their faith, their nets were bursting with fish.

Why am I so slow to listen to the One who knows-it-all?  He has given us an entire instruction book to read.  For years it just collected dust on my shelf.  Now I read it almost daily but I still don’t always follow the instruction.  Are you in the same boat as me?  Sorry for the pun.  Do you react the same way I do many times when I read or I feel God’s prompting, “No thanks God I’ll do it my way!”  I pray someday I have the attitude and faith of those fishermen had that night and just shut up and do it!

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Rest

Rest has different meanings to different people.  To some it’s a get away from work to hiking, biking, paintballing or some other activity.  To others rest is laying in a hammock.  No matter what your definition, we need rest.

I have a laptop so I can be working no matter where I am.  I use a pda so I can be working no matter where I am.  I have a cell phone so I can be working no matter where I am.  Is anyone seeing a pattern here?  It’s good to be active and God commands us to work, but to what degree?  Genesis 2:2 “By the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.”  God rested!  If I’m looking at this right, the Creator of the universe put aside His busy schedule and rested.  What are we doing that is so important that we can’t rest? 

Insert your own list here. 

Here’s mine:

·      Work at work

·      Work at building my own business

·      Work at church

·      Work on my house

·      Work at being a better dad

·      Work at being a better husband

Here’s the really sad part, this is the order that they came to my mind.  I think I have some priority issues.

Work is good.  Work provides for our families.  Work helps society.  Work helps ministries.  Work fights idle hands that would wonder into sin. 

Too much work drains us.  Too much work puts our marriages and families at risk.  Too much work puts our health at risk.  Too much work messes up our priorities.  Too much work makes us weak against Satan’s temptings.

What would happen if we didn't sleep?

A good way to understand the role of sleep is to look at what would happen if we didn't sleep. Lack of sleep has serious effects on our brain's ability to function. If you've ever pulled an all-nighter, you'll be familiar with the following after-effects: grumpiness, grogginess, irritability and forgetfulness. After just one night without sleep, concentration becomes more difficult and attention span shortens considerably.

With continued lack of sufficient sleep, the part of the brain that controls language, memory, planning and sense of time is severely affected, practically shutting down. In fact, 17 hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol level of 0.05% (two glasses of wine). This is the legal drink driving limit in the UK.

Research also shows that sleep-deprived individuals often have difficulty in responding to rapidly changing situations and making rational judgments. In real life situations, the consequences are grave and lack of sleep is said to have been be a contributory factor to a number of international disasters such as Exxon Valdez, Chernobyl, Three Mile Island and the Challenger shuttle explosion.

Sleep deprivation not only has a major impact on cognitive functioning but also on emotional and physical health. Disorders such as sleep apnoea which result in excessive daytime sleepiness have been linked to stress and high blood pressure. Research has also suggested that sleep loss may increase the risk of obesity because chemicals and hormones that play a key role in controlling appetite and weight gain are released during sleep.

(The Science of Sleep, BBC, http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/articles/whatissleep.shtml)

I think God knocked me down a few pegs this week.  I just couldn’t function.  I ended up with a high fever and my body just shut down until I got the rest I needed to recover. 

Ecc. 5:12 “The sleep of the working man is pleasant…”

~Walter E. Homan

The Same Old Song – 2000 years later

This week we have an article written by Chaplain Jim Freed from America's Keswick.
Here is a quick description of their ministry:

America's KESWICK is a ministry that teaches and models the Victorious Christian Life message through Addiction Recovery for men and their loved ones, through Christian Conferences, Concerts, and Events, through Training and Resources, and by providing rental facilities and service to other like-minded organizations.

The Same Old Song – 2000 years later

         As you enter the fireplace room in the Colony of Mercy Addiction Recovery Ministry from the softball field, and approach the drinking fountain, you will see a beautiful painting hanging on the wall of the outcast Samaritan woman at the well spoken of in the Gospel of John, chapter 4. Her story is a familiar one, often used to teach the colony residents about the topic of Outreach, a part of their curriculum. The challenge that we as chaplains, or any bible teacher for that matter, face to interpret the Word of God in a way that is relevant to the day in which we now live. This story lends itself very well to that end.
         You see the story of the woman at the well speaks of a woman, who was considered by most people that knew her as a loser, but not by Jesus. She is a five time divorcee, living in sin, who comes out in public only when others are not likely to be around.  She is trying to satisfy a thirst that she perceives as physical. Jesus Christ knows otherwise and steers the conversation to address her spiritual need instead. The meeting occurred at a significant place, Jacob’s well, which is a documented historical site. God just seems to show up at some places more than others. When the woman realizes that she has been confronted, then blessed by the Messiah, her reaction is understandable. The bible says; The woman then left her waterpot, went her way into the city, and said to the men, "Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" (John 4:28-29 NKJV)  The fact that she left the very thing that she was intending on using to satisfy her thirst is notable, coupled with the fact that she was compelled, not coerced to go out and tell others.
         Now let’s look at a parallel story that takes place two thousand years later, and involves a man named Eddie. Eddie is a likeable guy, but had been written off by many as a cocaine addict. Even the doctor had given Eddie less than a month to live, so he was at the end of his rope, as most men are when they arrive at the Colony of Mercy. The Colony is also is one of those historical sites where God just seems to show up. Eddie, like the woman at the well, was trying to satisfy a hunger that he didn’t understand either. The counselor at the Colony recognized the nature of Eddie’s need as spiritual, so he introduced him to Jesus Christ. When Eddie realized that he had been confronted and then blessed by the Messiah, his reaction was the same as hers two thousand years ago. Except Eddie left his crack pipe, that heonce used to satisfy his thirst, and also went out to tell others. In fact, he went all the way to the Bahamas, and began working with children at a place he affectionately refers to as an Americas Keswick for kids! Now as you can see, the result of being impacted by the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the same today as it was two thousand years ago.

         The key to understanding the application of this text is that addiction of any sort is biblically defined as idolatry. The hunger that we are trying to satisfy can only be satisfied by an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. (Psalms 63:5 NKJV) The woman at the well left her water pot and her endless search for sexual satisfaction. Eddie left his crack pipe. What is it that God is calling and empowering you to leave?

                                                               Chaplain Jim Freed

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Why I'm Not Getting an iPhone | Plugged In Online Up Front

I hope all of you are familiar with Plugged In.   If your not, let me give you a short bio.  Plugged In is the media wing of Focus on the Family.  They research and write reviews for movies in the theater, dvds, music, video games, etc.  Occasionally they will also write an editorial mostly on media or technology issues.

I'm on Plugged In's email list and they had a great article in it this week.

Why I'm Not Getting an iPhone | Plugged In Online Up Front by Adam R. Holz

One of my most memorable bouts with techno-lust happened in late 2005. My wife and I were visiting relatives over Thanksgiving, and a cousin's boyfriend had gotten his hands on the just-released fifth-generation iPod … the first with video capability.

"Ooooohhhhhh," I cooed. "That's cool!" Never mind that I already had an iPod of my own. This was drool-worthy. This had pictures to go with the sound. This was so much better than my so-much-smaller, so-much-less-capable and so-much-less-cool fourth-generation model.

So that Christmas I dutifully ponied up $299 to get one … for my wife. And we're still using it today, remarkably, though its battery life isn't what it used to be.

As for its supercool video feature, well, I think we downloaded exactly one video (U2's "Vertigo"). The new iPod's biggest wow-inducing factor, it turned out, was a total non-issue when it came to our real-world usage of it. In the end, it was just another iPod … and wasn't at all different, functionally, from than the one I already had.

In other words: It was nice, but it didn't complete me.

While I like tech toys as much as the next guy, and while I'm not averse to coughing up the cash if I want (need!) something badly enough, and while I'm certainly not anti-technology, and while I really do think it's even cooler than that 2005 video-enabled iPod … I'm not getting an iPhone. Or any other smartphone for that matter. And I'd like to take a few minutes to tell you why...  (Read the whole article)

I'm one of the few guys left that still doesn't have a smart phone.  I just have an old Motorola Razor.  I've wanted an iPhone for a long time but I've been waiting for Verizon to pick it up.  I'm still on the fence, but Adam's article is definitely something to consider.

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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10 ESSENTIALS FOR THOSE NEW TO RECOVERY FROM SEXUAL SIN

Hey guys, we're going to take a little different road this week.  I had a friend of mine, Jeff, ask if he could contribute an article for the newsletter and my blog.  Considering the age we live in I thought it was very well timed.  I just read an article from Paul Caughlin in an email from Focus on the Family that reminds me that we're all susceptible to the temptations of porn.  Here is a clip from that article:

"Christians aren’t immune. When surveyed, 53% of men
who attended Promise Keeper said they viewed pornography that week. 

More than 45% of Christians admit that pornography is a major problem in their home. 

An anonymous survey conducted recently by Pastors.com reported that 54% of
pastors admitted viewing porn within the last year."
Pornography and Virtual Infidelity

Jeff Fisher from porntopurity.com has a great ministry to those recovering and healing from sexual sin.  There is more info on Jeff after the article.

10 ESSENTIALS FOR THOSE NEW TO RECOVERY FROM SEXUAL SIN

I want to offer some top tips for you who are new to recovery.  These are lessons I’ve had to struggle through in my own recovery, but I find them to be universal with most guys who want freedom from sexual sin.

1.  The quicker you go to counseling the better.
Sexual sin is MUCH bigger than you.  You need wise people around you to help you process your crisis and help you go underneath the surface.  We have been acting out sexually for many reasons.  Counselors know what questions to ask and have worked with may who struggle just like you.  Break the ice on going to a counselor.  Find a Christian counselor who has training in sexual struggles.  It is money well spent!

2.  The quicker you go to a support group the better.
Second only to a counselor, a support group is the best place to find healing and victory over sexual sin.  You need to know you’re not alone.  You need other guys to walk with you in the mud.  You need to learn to come out of isolation and into real relationships.  Support groups do all that and more.

3.  Sexual struggles open the door for God to work in many areas.
At first, we think recovery is only about stopping our sexual behaviors.   But God ends up using your sexual struggles as a springboard to work on many issues in your life.  We are out of wack sexually, but also relationally, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.  Expect God to do His good surgery in many areas of your life.

4.  Sex is not your greatest need.
One of the biggest lies we believe is that we can’t live with out sex and that sex is the highest pleasure achievable.  Our greatest needs are in other areas.  We have a deep need to know God.  We have a deep need to know others and to be known by others.  The sooner you understand that it’s not about the orgasm, the further along in recovery you’ll be.  Trust me on this one!

5.  Recovery has little to do with your outward behavior.
This is probably the biggest shocker to me.  I focused on my behaviors for decades and was counseled to do the same.  Our outward sexual behaviors are the tip of the iceburg.  The bulk of our recovery is underneath the surface.  We need healing from wounds.  We need to learn to express our emotions in a healthy way.  We need deep intimate friendships.  We need to learn to be selfless and serve others.  Stopping behaviors is relatively easy.  Healing on the inside takes much more time and effort.

6.  It’s worse than you think.
We are not the best judges of our own sexual health.  We have been blinded to our true condition.  Every sexual struggler in recovery says at some point, “I can’t believe who I used to be and what I used to do.  I was such a different person back then.”  If you’re new to recovery, you can’t see how far off course you are.  You can’t see the erosion that has taken place in your relationships and in your personal life.  Let this soak in:  Jeff tells me I am worse than I think I am. I have more to work on than I realize.

7.  Replacing lies with truth is critical to recovery.
We also can’t see the lies that we have believed.  My counselor reminds me that with every wound there is a lie that I have believed.  It’s not until you start seeing the truth that you will uncover the lies you have believed.  God’s Word will help you with this.  So will counselors, your spouse, your support group, and close friends who know your story.

8.  Work toward full disclosure.
Ooooh.  We don’t like to think about this.  But the sooner you come clean, the better.  Get the help from a counselor on how to come clean and with whom.  Those closest to you need to know.  Your spouse needs to know.  The people you have been directly involved with need to know.  Not every person needs to know every detail, but you need to quit hiding and share the truth.  When you hold onto secrets and hide you walk in the darkness.  God calls us to “walk in the light”.

9.  Pain and suffering are necessary for deep recovery.
There are no shortcuts to recovery.  There are no quick fixes.  You cannot save yourself from pain and suffering.  Breaking free from sexual sin involves challenge, hurt, brokenness, withdrawal and grieving.  You will have to suffer consequences.  You will have to see that your actions have hurt others.  Go for a deep recovery.  The only way for our recovery to go deep is if we let God push his scalpel in and scrape out all of the junk.

10. God is close and wants to bear the burden with you.
As tough as these tips are, I want you to think about this one the most.  You are not alone.  God is here.  He will help you.  He wants your recovery even more than you and He knows how to get there.  You may go through a lot of hard times, but God will always be a strong shoulder you can lean on.  He helps carry us through the toughest of times.  Be encouraged by this.

---

Jeff Fisher lives in Raleigh, NC.  He and his wife run the site www.porntopurity.com, a site designed to offer hope, encouragement and resources to those who are affected by sexual sin.  Checkout Jeff’s podcasts on I-Tunes:  Top Tips For Sexual Purity, Top Verses For Sexual Purity, and For Ministers Who Struggle.
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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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I Want to Know What Love Is

If you’re in your late 30’s or early 40’s you’re like me and were a teen in the 80’s.  We were lucky enough with the bands of the 70’s and 80’s.  I mean not just some wimpy teeny-bopper bands like today, but these were some established rock bands that wrote some awesome songs. Many of these bands wrote some great ballads as well. I used to crank this stuff all the time.  That’s what we did, right?  I drove around with my girl friend in my ’68 Chevelle, back when they really were hot rods not just chick cars with subwoofers.  We listened to all those songs and we thought we had it all figured out.

Ok, fast forward a few years and I’m getting married.  Standing at the altar and my soon to be wife walks into the room on the arm of her father, my first thought was “I’m getting married!?!?”  Don’t get me wrong, I was in love with her, I mean I knew all the songs by heart.

Fast forward a few more years.  I’m a married guy and I’m wondering why my wife is upset with me.  Every morning before I left for work I would tell her, “I love you” because I still remembered what it meant.  So what was bugging her?  In 1984 Foreigner released the song “I Want to Know What Love Is”.  Here’s the chorus:

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me.

I was beginning to get the feeling that saying “I love you” was not showing her that I loved her.

The Bible uses three different words for our word love.  Phileo is friendship love, Philadelphia – city of brotherly love.  Next is eros.  This is passion, sexual, or erotic.  Sadly our world has high jacked this and told everyone this is real love.  Soap operas, porn, tv, and movies portray people jumping into bed and say that it’s love.  In God’s plan of marriage first and sex second, eros love is a great thermometer of our relationship, but the world thinks it’s a thermostat.  What I mean is the world thinks if we have great sex our relationship will get better.  The truth is, if your marriage relationship is great you’ll have great sex.  The last, and in my opinion, the greatest love is agape.  This is the self-sacrificing love, the selfless love, the willing to give up our wants to please our spouse.

In Ephesians 5:25, Paul tells us how we are to love our wives, “as Christ loved the church”.  He died for the church, remember?  1 John 3:16 “We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”  I think that is probably the ultimate in self-sacrificing.  John even tells us that we should be willing to die for the brethren.  We should be agape loving our fellow believers, and I think you could argue all mankind.  Christ didn’t only die for Christians; He died for all.  Here is another part that the world gets wrong, agape love isn’t reciprocal.  It’s not give and take; it’s all give.  Our goal should be to please others.  Paul write for us in Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  While we were living against God’s law, he still loved us enough to die.  We can’t “love” our wives according to what she does for us; we are commanded to love our wives because we are to mirror Christ.  This falls into all of our relationships.  We can’t only love our kids when they get good grades or score more points. 

Likewise, I believe that showing agape love towards our neighbors and the world in general is the best way to win them to Christ.  By consisting serving your neighbor he may wonder “why do you shovel my snow even I yell at your kids?”, “what’s so different about you?”.

Agape love is what holds marriages together for 60 years.  Agape love builds long lasting friendships.  Agape love brings people to Christ.

~Walter E. Homan

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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It's Getting Closer

We're getting excited!  The UPS man dropped off 2 heavy packages for us today.

Just 10 days away.  My wife and I have so many great contacts because of this conference.  If your coming, I hope you know that there are thousands of people praying for you all over the world.
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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Why I am Passionate about Ministry to Men

Last year I year I heard Charles Stecker from A Chosen Generation Ministry speak at Iron Sharpens Iron event.  He was an excellent speaker and really hit home the reasons we as men need to be investing in our kids especially young men.  Below is a post from his blog.

Post from:  http://drcstecker.blogspot.com/2011/01/why-i-am-passionate-about-ministry-to.html

Why I am Passionate about Ministry to Men

The Following blog rated as one of the most read last year. the events since that time only serve to reinforce what I wrote nearly one year ago. I want to also encourage men to invest in themselves by attending trainings for men. These include, but are not limited to, denominational events, Iron Sharpens Iron Conferences, Man in the Mirror Annual Summit, Dangerous Man Conferences, Men of Valor Conferences and so many others.

FROM MARCH 2010
Last weekend I had the privilege of speaking to nearly 700 men as a part of the speaking team at the Iron Sharpens Iron conference in Rockford, IL. Roy Abbott and his team at Focal Point Ministries did a tremendous job of sponsoring/hosting this event.

For me to speak at this event, I spent a few hours on the road to and from the airport in Denver. I spent time in the airport waiting for flights or to get my bags. I spent nearly a total of three hours on a bus between Chicago and Rockford. It was not just me, by the way--many of the speakers/workshop leaders did the same thing. Here is the point. Lots of hours invested in this by many many men so that we could come together and build ourselves as well as other men. My close friends and brothers, Ray Morgan, Ken Larson, Dan Erickson and Sam Mehaffie had similar travel schedules to be there and invest in men.

So Why???

Here is a glimpse of my last four days from just one small perspective.

1. FRIDAY AFTERNOON: The young lady at the Information Desk was divorced because her husband had left her for another woman. As a note, he was divorcing that person now and had called her to see if this young lady would take him back. The young lady said that men these days are just weak and looking for a "Sugar Mama" to take care of them.

2. FRIDAY NIGHT: Our server was a great young lady. She was raising two children, ages 2 and 5 on her own. We prayed with her.

3. SUNDAY AFTERNOON: Our server when asked if we could pray for her, asked for prayer for her "ex" boyfriend. She said that he just needed help being a man and finding himself.

4. MONDAY LUNCH: My wife and I had lunch together and asked our server if we could pray for her. Without any hesitation she said yes and when asked if there is anything specific, she asked if we would pray for her family. She shared that her father had left her family about four years ago and they were still struggling, especially her two little brothers.

Here is my take on this-- we need stronger men. Ladies of all ages deserve much better than they are getting. Is this an indictment on all men in the land. Absolutely not!! I am meeting with guys across the land who are working hard to be the men God created us to be.

I am suggesting that there is still a great deal of work to be done.

So why do I do what I do and why does my bride of nearly 32 years support me beyond anything that would seem reasonable to others?? We have three of the most amazing Granddaughters (and who knows how many more in the future). They are being raised to be strong Godly ladies. I am working to see if we cannot help to raise some strong Godly men who will raise their sons or grandsons to be the kind of Godly men my granddaughters deserve.

Our families, churches, communities and our nation all need and deserve strong Godly Men.

That is why I am passionate about ministry to men and why I am heading to Springfield, IL this weekend.

                                                                

Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Quick Facts

Post from:  http://churchformen.com/men-and-church/where-are-the-men/

You’re not just imagining it. Christianity is short on men. Here are the facts:

• The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories. [1]
• On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches. [2]
• This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands. [3]
• Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants. [4]
• The majority of church employees are women (except for ordained clergy, who are overwhelmingly male). [5]
• Over 70 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it during their teens and twenties. Many of these boys will never return. [6]
• More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only one out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church. [7]
• Churches overseas report gender gaps of up to 9 women for every adult man in attendance. [8]
• Christian universities are becoming convents. The typical Christian college in the U.S. enrolls almost 2 women for every 1 man. [9]
• Fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry. [10]

Church is good for men:

• Churchgoers are more likely to be married and express a higher level of satisfaction with life. Church involvement is the most important predictor of marital stability and happiness. [11]
• Church involvement moves people out of poverty. Its also correlated with less depression, more self-esteem and greater family and marital happiness. [12]
• Religious participation leads men to become more engaged husbands and fathers. [13]
• Teens with religious fathers are more likely to say they enjoy spending time with dad and that they admire him. [14]

And men are good for the church:

• A study from Hartford Seminary found that the presence of involved men was statistically correlated with church growth, health, and harmony. Meanwhile, a lack of male participation is strongly associated with congregational decline. [15]

FOOTNOTES:
[1] “U.S. Congregational Life Survey – Key Findings,” 29 October 2003, <www.uscongregations.org/key.htm>.
[2] This statistic comes from Barna’s figures on male/female worship attendance, overlayed upon the Census 2000 numbers for adult men and women in the U.S. population.

[3] I came up with this figure by taking the U.S. Census 2000 numbers for total married adults and overlaying Barna Research’s year 2000 percentages of male vs. female attendance at weekly worship services. The figures suggest at least 24.5 million married women attend church on a given weekend, but only 19 million married men attend. That’s 5.5 million more women, or 22.5%. The actual number may be even higher, because married people attend church in much greater numbers than singles.
[4] Barna Research Online, “Women are the Backbone of Christian Congregations in America,” 6 March 2000, <www.barna.org>.
[5] Ibid.
[6] “LifeWay Research Uncovers Reasons 18 to 22 Year Olds Drop Out of Church,” PowerPoint presentation accompanying study, available at the LifeWay Web site, http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/article_main_page/0,1703,A=165949&M=200906,00.html, accessed 12 September 2007.
[7] Barna, “Women are the Backbone of Christian Congregations in America.”
[8] I get an e-mail message about once a month from a pastor overseas whose congregation is almost totally female.
[9] Camerin Courtney, “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” Christianity Today, Single Minded. View at http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind40630.html.
[10] Based on a show of hands at the National Coalition of Men’s Ministries meeting in 2005. The consensus in the room among hundreds of men’s ministry experts was that less than 10% of congregations had any ongoing ministry to men. Compare this to the 110% of churches that offer women’s and children’s ministries.
[11, 12] “Why Religion Matters: The Impact of Religious Practice on Social Stability,” The Heritage Foundation Backgrounder, 1064, 25 January 1996,  <www.heritage.org>.
[13] Penny Edgell (Becker) and Heather Hofmeister, “Work, Family and Religious Involvement for Men and Women,” Hartford Institute for Religion Research, <http://hirr.hartsem.edu>.
[14] Christian Smith and Phillip Kim, “Religious Youth Are More Likely to Have Positive Relationships with Their Fathers,” University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 12 July 2002, findings based on the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (1997).
[15] C. Kirk Hadaway, FACTs on Growth: A new look at the dynamics of growth and decline in American congregations based on the Faith Communities Today 2005 national survey of Congregations. Hartford Institute for Religion Research, http://hirr.hartsem.edu.


Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Men's Retreat at Sandy Cove Conference Center

Quick Links Men's Retreat Info Register Now  Sandy Cove Home  Speaker    The Senior Pastor of Bethany Community Church in Seattle, Richard is a popular Bible school and conference teacher in North America and Europe for the Capernwray Missionary Fellowship of Torchbearers. He holds an M.Div. from Talbot Theological Seminary. Dahlstrom offers skeptics and Christians alike compelling advice on living out their faith, Jesus-style.

Stuff to do...   Indoor Rock Climbing, Enclosed Sports Pool, Hot Tub, Frisbee Golf, Big Swing, Ultimate Frisbee, Tournaments, Volleyball, Zip Line, Softball, Basketball, Soccer, Football, Canoeing, Billiards, Fitness Center, Fishing, Tennis, Ping Pong, and more! Register Now!   Register online HERE. Or call 800.234.COVE (2683) Plan your Men's Retreat now! Bring a group from your church or gather a group of guys from work. Ask for Group Ministry to talk about bringing a group.

"I needed this break in my daily routine to hear God's releasing Word!" - Steve, West Grove, PA

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Walter
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The Art of Marriage Conference

Only 2 1/2 days left for the early registration deadline.  January 23rd at 11:59pm is your last chance to register at the $35 fee.

Click here for more info or to register!



 

• Session 1:  love happens  (purpose of marriage)

• Session 2:  love fades  (drift to isolation)

• Session 3:  love dances (roles)

• Session 4:  love interrupted  (communication)

• Session 5:  love sizzles  (romance and sex)

• Session 6:  love always  (legacy)

Feel free to forward this on to friends.  Can you imagine if our whole community had great marriages?  What would our churches be like?  What would our homes be like?

We want you to be able to take part in this conference.  If your schedule is holding you back, please don't let it. We want to work with you.  We would be willing to meet with you for a showing or we're also considering maybe a Bible Study or Sunday School class time to view it as well as the February 11th & 12th.  We're even willing to run the program in your home church at a later date if your church would allow it.  But you need to register before the Jan, 23rd deadline to get the $35 price.

We even had a few more door prizes come in this week.

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Walter
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Churchgoing = Pink to Men?

Post from:  http://churchformen.com/how-were-off-the-mark/churchgoing-pink-to-men/

The Chief of Police in Bangkok, Thailand has discovered the ultimate punishment for wayward officers: they must wear a pink armband emblazoned with “Hello Kitty,” a cutesy favorite of under-10 girls.
Other punishments have not deterred tardiness, double parking and littering among officers, but acting chief Pongpat Chayaphan believes the armbands will do the trick. “After this policy came out, the police are scared,” he said. “It will be very embarrassing to walk around with Hello Kitty on your arm.”
What’s so bad about a pink armband? This seemingly benign corrective strikes a double-whammy at the heart of manhood. Every man fears being perceived as feminine (pink) and childish (hello Kitty).
Sadly, churchgoing has become a pink armband for many men. It’s a sign of weakness, childishness and femininity.

But churches can break this reputation by intentionally reaching out to men. Christ’s Church of the Valley is one of America’s fastest growing congregations. It sits on a sprawling campus in the northwest Phoenix suburb of Peoria, Arizona. CCV attracts some 12,000 worshippers every weekend to its state-of-the-art facility. It has planted 18 congregations around the world.
What’s it’s secret? Thirteen years ago the leadership of CCV made a policy shift that sent the congregation into growth overdrive. In 1994, CCV decided to target men, age 25-to-45. Since that decision, the church has grown by 20 to 25 percent a year.
A visit to the church’s web site finds men are always mentioned first. Guy pictures and sports images appear on just about every page. Men’s ministry tops the weekly bulletin announcements. This intentional emphasis on men makes guys feel like they’re wanted and needed.
Today, hundreds of athletes from the Phoenix area come to CCV to play on its well-maintained soccer and softball fields. And the church draws many unchurched visitors from its sports leagues. In fact, CCV is known as the “jock church” in Phoenix. Men feel accepted there because it has a reputation as a guy place.
Do women feel slighted with all this attention lavished on men? Apparently not. The Sunday I worshipped at CCV I counted slightly more women than men in the sanctuary. The women I talked to were delighted to attend a church where the men were alive. They felt hopeful that their boys would stay faithful through their teenage years, thanks to the masculine spirit of the congregation.
You don’t need to be a megachurch to reach men. New Life Center in Porterville, CA has been focusing on men by conducting Go for the Guys Sundays twice in the past year. The response from men has been enthusiastic. Pastor Dave Mast says that male visitors are starting to show up out of the blue because they’ve heard it’s a good place for guys. According to Mast, New Life Center’s worship services now attract more men than women.
So what are you waiting for? Declare war on pink armband Christianity. Start targeting men with your worship, classes and outreach. See what God does.

 

About The Author

David Murrow is the director of Church for Men, an organization that helps congregations reach more men and boys. In his day job, David works as a television producer and writer. He's the author of three books. He lives in Alaska with his wife, three children, two grandchildren and a dachshund named Pepper.

God’s Job Description for Men - Prophet Priest and King Series / Part 1 - A Godly Man’s Role as Prophet

I don’t know about you but I would never consider myself a prophet.  To be honest, just the thought of it scares me a bit.  I mean a prophet, really.  Aren’t those the guys that went around telling everyone they were about to die?  You know calling down fire from heaven.  Then you get in to all the end times stuff.  Definitely not me. 

So really what is a prophet anyway?  I pulled this from Easton’s Bible Dictionary “The “prophet” proclaimed the message given to him, as the “seer” beheld the vision of God. (See Num. 12:6, 8.) Thus a prophet was a spokesman for God; he spake in God’s name and by his authority (Ex. 7:1).”  Unger’s Bible Dictionary says it this way “One who is divinely inspired to communicate God’s will to His people and to disclose the future to them.”  Let’s grab a few key points from these.  A prophet is to proclaim the message.  To communicate God’s will to the people.  This is starting to sound more like what we’re all supposed to be doing.  Don’t send me nasty letters, I know there are no more prophets but there are certainly parts of this job description that we should be stepping up to.

Whether you are single, married, or married with kids; we are all supposed to be proclaiming God’s word to people.  Maybe not the same way Isaiah and Daniel did but we should be “proclaiming”. 

One of the saddest trends that I’ve seen in my life is men leaving the church.  Most churches have a larger population of women than men.  Because of this women are doing most of the teaching.  Here I go again sounding like a male chauvinist.  Please hear me out.  Women are great teachers and they seem to relate better with kids, but what if more of us taught Sunday school classes or Jr Church?  Do our kids see any men in biblical teaching roles besides the Pastor?  We need to be showing kids that it is manly to be in church and to be interested in the things of God.  How about our kids at home?  Who do they ask the spiritual questions of?  When my wife and I got married I used to get so mad at her because when she had a biblical question she would call her dad, she would never ask me.  Well I just got so indigent because I had read 1 Cor 14:35 and it says that a woman is suppose to be silent in church and ask her husband at home.  She didn’t ask me because I didn’t know the answer and I was too lazy to find it.  Men we need to take 2 Tim 2:15 to heart!  We need to STUDY to show ourselves APPROVED by God to ACCURATLY handle the BIBLE.  Study does not mean just read.  It means read to learn.  If you don’t know what the passage means keep digging until you do.  There are so many great study bibles out there and free resources online.  Even tonight I’ve been using the free online version of Logos, www.biblia.com.  Listen to good Pastors on the radio or podcasts.  There are great website too.  We don’t have an excuse.  It is our responsibility to be handling the spiritual teachings in our households.  Even if you’re not married you still can be teaching.

Okay ready for the other job of a prophet?  We need to call people to repentance.  Sometimes it may be a brother who has chosen the root of sin, or maybe one of our kids, or here is the tough one our wives.  Remember this power that we hold as men is to be handled with love and with the attitude to bring the offender back to God, not to beat them over the head and be self-righteous.  Remember Jonah? He ran from this assignment.  I think we do too.  As for me I would never confront someone on sin because I knew how evil my heart was.  The whole splinter vs. beam thing would always make be stay quiet.  Instead of getting my heart right so I could properly engage someone.  When we ignore sin and let it keep dragging them down we are sinning.  The loving thing to do is to confront them in love, after we’ve examined ourselves, in order to restore them.  Just picture American Idol contestants that can’t sing.  They never had anyone love them enough to tell them, instead that were afraid to hurt their feeling and then they end up a laughing stock on national tv.  Remember, remember, remember, this must be done humbly with the attitude of love not self-righteousness.

Believe guys I’m not beating up on you, I’m not there yet either.  Most of these devotionals are aimed straight at me.

So, do you study or read the Bible?  Can you proclaim God’s truth?  Are you ready to take on the role of prophet for your family and friends?

Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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The Art of Marriage Conference

You may already know a little about the Art of Marriage conference that we are hosting at our church on February 11th & 12th.  It seems some people got the wrong impression.  Some thought that this was only for couples that had marriages in trouble.  Believe me it's not.  If your married or engaged to be married, it's for you.  For $35 per couple you can't beat it!  We even have door prizes. 



The conference will hit several topics including:
SESSION 1:  LOVE HAPPENS  (PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE)

SESSION 2:  LOVE FADES  (DRIFT TO ISOLATION)

SESSION 3:  LOVE DANCES (ROLES)

SESSION 4:  LOVE INTERRUPTED  (COMMUNICATION)

SESSION 5:  LOVE SIZZLES  (ROMANCE AND SEX)

SESSION 6:  LOVE ALWAYS  (LEGACY)

Now be honest, isn't there at least one of these topics you feel your marriage could improve on?  Ruth and I have been married for 21 years and we found great info here.

Remember, early registration is only $35 until January 23rd.  Registration will then be $45 from January 24th-30th.  If you know of anyone else that would be interested, please pass it on.

Registration is easy, just click the link below.
Click here for more info.

Guys only! What do you think your wife will say if you tell her you want to take her to a marriage conference to improve your relationship?  Do you really have to think about this?  Come on it's even Valentine's Day weekend!


Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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