And Now for Your Viewing Pleasure…

When I was a kid, my dad would always bring home pizza every Friday night after work.  We would stay up ‘til 1am watching old TV shows.  Anybody know what TV show Bob Denver starred in before “Gilligan’s Island”?  The old shows would start with the main characters doing a little commercial.  Each show had a special product that they would hock.  For George Burns and Gracie Allen it was Carnation Milk, Jack Benny was Jello, Ozzie and Harriett was Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix, Groucho Marx was Prom Shampoo, and even Yogi Bear hocked Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.  Anyway, they would finish up with their commercial and then they would say “and now for your viewing pleasure”.  Great now the program was starting!  That’s a good memory.

A lot of us guys have used the same phrase for the start of summer.  And now for your viewing pleasure we present short-shorts, low-cut tops, bikinis, etc.  Summertime can be tough on a guy trying to live Christlike.  The O’Kaysions made it an official pastime in 1959 with what else “Girl Watcher”

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Watchin' girls go by

My, my, my

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Here comes one now

Mmmm, mmm, mmm

I was just a boy

When I threw away my toys

I found a new pastime

To dwell on

Whenever I detect

Members of the other sex

I play the game I do so well, oh

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Watchin' girls go by

My, my, my

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Here comes one now

Hello there, female

My, my, but you do look swell

Could you please walk

A little slower

I wonder if you know

That you're putting on a show

Could you please walk

A little closer

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Watchin' girls go by

My, my, my

I'm a girl watcher

I'm a girl watcher

Here comes one now

Mmm, mmm, mmm

Okay let’s get all of the rationalizations out of the way right now.

·   I’m just window-shopping.

·   God wants us to enjoy His creation.

·   I’m just looking, it’s not like I’m going to sleep with her.

·   If she didn’t want me to look she wouldn’t dress that way.

·   Looking never hurt anyone.

Now that we got that out of our system let’s take a look at King David.  2 Samuel 11:1 starts the story of David enjoying a little girl watching.  (vs. 1) Instead of being with his men David is just lounging around the palace. (vs 2) David can’t sleep so he takes a walk on the roof and there is where he got a look at naked Bathsheba.  Now I’ve always taken the philosophy even up to this point David hasn’t done anything wrong.  We’ve all seen things that we didn’t mean to see (internet pop-ups) and that’s not our fault, right?  If we’re on a risky website we certainly greaten our chance of seeing the wrong kind of pop-up.  So if we we’re where we shouldn’t be in the first place, yeah, that’s wrong.  Back to David on the roof.  Did I mention Bathsheba was naked?  It seems that part kind of stuck with David too because he sent for her.  (vs. 4)  David goes from taking a walk to sleeping with one of his general’s wife. I’ll let you read the rest of the story 2 Samuel 11:5 – 12:23.  Shall we go back to the list above?  Just looking, doesn’t hurt anyone.  Have you ever asked your wife if she feels hurt when you look at other women?  I’m guessing the answer would be YES!  Do you think she may feel like Uriah with a spear through her heart?

Again we’re only looking we’re not going to sleep with her.  Remember the statement from a famous person, “depends on what is, is”.  Sleep with her, sex, adultery that’s the line, right?  Old Testament law agrees, Leviticus 20:10 “If there is a man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”  There you go, it’s the act of having sex with someone not your wife! That’s the sin!  Okay as long as we don’t take it that far we’re okay. 

Wait a minute, God wasn’t finished talking to us when Leviticus was written.  He still has plenty to say in the New Testament.  Let’s take a look at Matthew 5.  Jesus has just finished picking His disciples and a crowd starts to gather.  He goes to the mountaintop to speak to them; we know this as the “Sermon on the Mount”.  Jesus starts to reveal new teachings.  It’s not only the act but it’s also the heart attitude.  (vs.21) Jesus starts with us angry people.  “You have heard that the ancients were told ‘You shall not commit murder’”.  (vs. 22) “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court...”  He continues to look into our hearts.  (vs 27-28) “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Guess what, looking is a sin too!

Guys we have to watch out for what we’re watching.  It doesn’t take long for the “and now for your viewing pleasure” attitude to care control of us and lead us down a very dark path.  The next time you think that just a look won’t hurt anyone, remember where it took David.

~Walter E. Homan

Rest

Rest has different meanings to different people.  To some it’s a get away from work to hiking, biking, paintballing or some other activity.  To others rest is laying in a hammock.  No matter what your definition, we need rest.

I have a laptop so I can be working no matter where I am.  I use a pda so I can be working no matter where I am.  I have a cell phone so I can be working no matter where I am.  Is anyone seeing a pattern here?  It’s good to be active and God commands us to work, but to what degree?  Genesis 2:2 “By the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.”  God rested!  If I’m looking at this right, the Creator of the universe put aside His busy schedule and rested.  What are we doing that is so important that we can’t rest? 

Insert your own list here. 

Here’s mine:

·      Work at work

·      Work at building my own business

·      Work at church

·      Work on my house

·      Work at being a better dad

·      Work at being a better husband

Here’s the really sad part, this is the order that they came to my mind.  I think I have some priority issues.

Work is good.  Work provides for our families.  Work helps society.  Work helps ministries.  Work fights idle hands that would wonder into sin. 

Too much work drains us.  Too much work puts our marriages and families at risk.  Too much work puts our health at risk.  Too much work messes up our priorities.  Too much work makes us weak against Satan’s temptings.

What would happen if we didn't sleep?

A good way to understand the role of sleep is to look at what would happen if we didn't sleep. Lack of sleep has serious effects on our brain's ability to function. If you've ever pulled an all-nighter, you'll be familiar with the following after-effects: grumpiness, grogginess, irritability and forgetfulness. After just one night without sleep, concentration becomes more difficult and attention span shortens considerably.

With continued lack of sufficient sleep, the part of the brain that controls language, memory, planning and sense of time is severely affected, practically shutting down. In fact, 17 hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol level of 0.05% (two glasses of wine). This is the legal drink driving limit in the UK.

Research also shows that sleep-deprived individuals often have difficulty in responding to rapidly changing situations and making rational judgments. In real life situations, the consequences are grave and lack of sleep is said to have been be a contributory factor to a number of international disasters such as Exxon Valdez, Chernobyl, Three Mile Island and the Challenger shuttle explosion.

Sleep deprivation not only has a major impact on cognitive functioning but also on emotional and physical health. Disorders such as sleep apnoea which result in excessive daytime sleepiness have been linked to stress and high blood pressure. Research has also suggested that sleep loss may increase the risk of obesity because chemicals and hormones that play a key role in controlling appetite and weight gain are released during sleep.

(The Science of Sleep, BBC, http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/articles/whatissleep.shtml)

I think God knocked me down a few pegs this week.  I just couldn’t function.  I ended up with a high fever and my body just shut down until I got the rest I needed to recover. 

Ecc. 5:12 “The sleep of the working man is pleasant…”

~Walter E. Homan

10 ESSENTIALS FOR THOSE NEW TO RECOVERY FROM SEXUAL SIN

Hey guys, we're going to take a little different road this week.  I had a friend of mine, Jeff, ask if he could contribute an article for the newsletter and my blog.  Considering the age we live in I thought it was very well timed.  I just read an article from Paul Caughlin in an email from Focus on the Family that reminds me that we're all susceptible to the temptations of porn.  Here is a clip from that article:

"Christians aren’t immune. When surveyed, 53% of men
who attended Promise Keeper said they viewed pornography that week. 

More than 45% of Christians admit that pornography is a major problem in their home. 

An anonymous survey conducted recently by Pastors.com reported that 54% of
pastors admitted viewing porn within the last year."
Pornography and Virtual Infidelity

Jeff Fisher from porntopurity.com has a great ministry to those recovering and healing from sexual sin.  There is more info on Jeff after the article.

10 ESSENTIALS FOR THOSE NEW TO RECOVERY FROM SEXUAL SIN

I want to offer some top tips for you who are new to recovery.  These are lessons I’ve had to struggle through in my own recovery, but I find them to be universal with most guys who want freedom from sexual sin.

1.  The quicker you go to counseling the better.
Sexual sin is MUCH bigger than you.  You need wise people around you to help you process your crisis and help you go underneath the surface.  We have been acting out sexually for many reasons.  Counselors know what questions to ask and have worked with may who struggle just like you.  Break the ice on going to a counselor.  Find a Christian counselor who has training in sexual struggles.  It is money well spent!

2.  The quicker you go to a support group the better.
Second only to a counselor, a support group is the best place to find healing and victory over sexual sin.  You need to know you’re not alone.  You need other guys to walk with you in the mud.  You need to learn to come out of isolation and into real relationships.  Support groups do all that and more.

3.  Sexual struggles open the door for God to work in many areas.
At first, we think recovery is only about stopping our sexual behaviors.   But God ends up using your sexual struggles as a springboard to work on many issues in your life.  We are out of wack sexually, but also relationally, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.  Expect God to do His good surgery in many areas of your life.

4.  Sex is not your greatest need.
One of the biggest lies we believe is that we can’t live with out sex and that sex is the highest pleasure achievable.  Our greatest needs are in other areas.  We have a deep need to know God.  We have a deep need to know others and to be known by others.  The sooner you understand that it’s not about the orgasm, the further along in recovery you’ll be.  Trust me on this one!

5.  Recovery has little to do with your outward behavior.
This is probably the biggest shocker to me.  I focused on my behaviors for decades and was counseled to do the same.  Our outward sexual behaviors are the tip of the iceburg.  The bulk of our recovery is underneath the surface.  We need healing from wounds.  We need to learn to express our emotions in a healthy way.  We need deep intimate friendships.  We need to learn to be selfless and serve others.  Stopping behaviors is relatively easy.  Healing on the inside takes much more time and effort.

6.  It’s worse than you think.
We are not the best judges of our own sexual health.  We have been blinded to our true condition.  Every sexual struggler in recovery says at some point, “I can’t believe who I used to be and what I used to do.  I was such a different person back then.”  If you’re new to recovery, you can’t see how far off course you are.  You can’t see the erosion that has taken place in your relationships and in your personal life.  Let this soak in:  Jeff tells me I am worse than I think I am. I have more to work on than I realize.

7.  Replacing lies with truth is critical to recovery.
We also can’t see the lies that we have believed.  My counselor reminds me that with every wound there is a lie that I have believed.  It’s not until you start seeing the truth that you will uncover the lies you have believed.  God’s Word will help you with this.  So will counselors, your spouse, your support group, and close friends who know your story.

8.  Work toward full disclosure.
Ooooh.  We don’t like to think about this.  But the sooner you come clean, the better.  Get the help from a counselor on how to come clean and with whom.  Those closest to you need to know.  Your spouse needs to know.  The people you have been directly involved with need to know.  Not every person needs to know every detail, but you need to quit hiding and share the truth.  When you hold onto secrets and hide you walk in the darkness.  God calls us to “walk in the light”.

9.  Pain and suffering are necessary for deep recovery.
There are no shortcuts to recovery.  There are no quick fixes.  You cannot save yourself from pain and suffering.  Breaking free from sexual sin involves challenge, hurt, brokenness, withdrawal and grieving.  You will have to suffer consequences.  You will have to see that your actions have hurt others.  Go for a deep recovery.  The only way for our recovery to go deep is if we let God push his scalpel in and scrape out all of the junk.

10. God is close and wants to bear the burden with you.
As tough as these tips are, I want you to think about this one the most.  You are not alone.  God is here.  He will help you.  He wants your recovery even more than you and He knows how to get there.  You may go through a lot of hard times, but God will always be a strong shoulder you can lean on.  He helps carry us through the toughest of times.  Be encouraged by this.

---

Jeff Fisher lives in Raleigh, NC.  He and his wife run the site www.porntopurity.com, a site designed to offer hope, encouragement and resources to those who are affected by sexual sin.  Checkout Jeff’s podcasts on I-Tunes:  Top Tips For Sexual Purity, Top Verses For Sexual Purity, and For Ministers Who Struggle.
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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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What Does God Think About Sex? - FamilyLife.com

Post from:  FamilyLife 

Dennis and Barbara Rainey

When you and your spouse married, I'm sure you expected to have a healthy and active sexual relationship together. That's great—that's what God intended. Unfortunately, the daily stress of life often gets in the way of sex, distracting the attention of a husband and wife from each other and from pleasing each other.

Sex can become a marital battleground, even in young marriages, because of emotional and mental baggage from histories of sexual abuse, inappropriate sexual behavior in past relationships (or even with your spouse before marriage), or pornography. Even if these experiences or issues do not apply to you directly, our culture's messages about and portrayals of sex can unconsciously influence the way you and your spouse respond and relate to each other in bed. 

To build an intimate marriage, husband and wife must be committed to meeting each other's physical and emotional needs. Because most men and women have differing ideas, standards, and expectations about sex, it's no wonder that many marriages suffer in this area.  One of the best things you can do is learn about God's purposes for sex.  After all, He is the Designer—He created our bodies.  And you may be surprised to know what He had in mind.

God's purposes

The Designer of sex made numerous statements integral to the sexual aspect of marriage. First, sex is the process He gave us to multiply a godly heritage. He commanded us to "be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it" (Gen. 1:28).

But God also designed sex for our pleasure, to be enjoyed in the marriage bed. Sex is meant to be a bonding experience with your spouse. Scripture talks significantly more about enjoying the pleasures of sex than it does about being fruitful and multiplying! As Dr. Ed Wheat wrote, "God Himself invented sex for our delight. It was His gift to us—intended for pleasure."

The Song of Solomon, though full of spiritual meaning and application, provides an excellent description of God's intention for a husband and wife's sexual relationship. According to Solomon, the man has the freedom to enjoy his wife's body, and the woman has the freedom to enjoy his. Here's a sample of how the lover and his beloved expressed that freedom in the Song of Solomon. The lover (King Solomon himself) said:

How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince's daughter! The curves of your hips are like jewels, the work of the hands of an artist. Your navel is like a round goblet which never lacks mixed wine; Your belly is like a heap of wheat fenced about with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. ... How beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms! (Song of Solomon 7:1-3, 6)

Men, these words give us three points on how to be great lovers for our wives.

First, Solomon readily praised the young Shulammite woman, his beloved. He told her how beautiful she was with vivid and picturesque language that communicated his admiration to her. I often ask the husbands at our marriage getaways, "When was the last time you wrote your wife a love letter that praised her and told her how beautiful she is?" Solomon understood how important this is in communicating love.

Second, Solomon was romantic. His poetic words describe his beloved's entire body as a source of delight. Some husbands have an easy time being creatively romantic, but the rest of us need help in this area.

Third, Solomon's focus was physical. A wife may be tempted to resent her husband's sex drive and physical focus, but she should understand that much more than a woman, a man is stimulated by sight. And God designed him this way deliberately.

A lovely lover

What about the bride's approach to sex? Some of her comments about her lover indicate that she focused on what she saw (Song of Solomon 5:10-16):

My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is like gold, pure gold; his locks are like clusters of dates, and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves, beside streams of water, bathed in milk, and reposed in their setting. His cheeks are like a bed of balsam, banks of sweet-scented herbs; his lips are lilies, dripping with liquid myrrh. His hands are rods of gold set with beryl; his abdomen is carved ivory inlaid with sapphires. His legs are pillars of alabaster set on pedestals of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars. His mouth is full of sweetness and he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

She also spoke of how she felt in her lover's arms (7:10-12):

I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let us go out into the country, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us rise early and go to the vineyards; let us see if the vine has budded and its blossoms have opened, and whether the pomegranates have bloomed. Then I will give you my love.

Then she revealed her feelings about physical passion (8:5-7):

Beneath the apple tree I awakened you; ... Put me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, jealousy is as severe as Sheol; its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love; nor will rivers overflow it.

These passages illustrate the two main aspects of a woman's approach to love: the physical and the relational. The Shulammite woman described her lover's body as richly and colorfully as Solomon's depiction of her. But she then focused on him as a total person and their relationship.

Men often make the mistake of focusing only on the physical side of sex. Sex is much more than a physical act that ends in a few minutes. Sex actually brings two people together in body, soul, and spirit. When the soul and spirit parts of sex are missing, the woman will feel empty, undesired, and used. One woman I counseled confessed that her husband approached her only one night a month. "He never shares his life with me," she said. "He slips into bed with the lights off, we make love, and that's it." I will never forget her next comment: "Making love with him is like a bread-and-water diet." Ouch!

If a marriage is going through a rocky spell, or a spouse is struggling with an emotionally difficult issue, the problems will almost always manifest themselves in the sexual relationship. Sex acts like a gauge, measuring the depth of a relationship. For the woman I just described, the physical experience left her lonely and longing for true companionship. For sex to be truly satisfying for both partners, each has to be totally open and vulnerable to the other. Each person must feel needed, wanted, accepted, and loved sacrificially.

Sexual adjustment takes time in every marriage. Enjoy the process—that was God's intent when He created this awesome experience for intimacy in marriage.

Adapted by permission from Rekindling the Romance, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2004.

Related resources
Rekindling the Romance, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
God on Sex, by Daniel Akin
Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God, by CJ Mahaney
Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, by Dr. William Cutrer and Sandra Glahn

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!

Walter

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End Your Season Well

I read this morning and it reminded me of how we have so many eyes on us. We need to guard our integrity, temptation is all around and it takes on many shapes.

Post from:  http://www.christianitytoday.com/moi/2011/001/february/4.4.html

End Your Season Well
Theme of the week: A Hunter's Guide to Holiness
Friday, February 4, 2011

Key Bible Verse: for I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ's return. (Philippians 1:10) Dig Deeper: Philippians 1:9-11

The old fellow stood at the fence and looked longingly at the huge deer that had just jumped it. As if tempting him to shoot, the buck stood there for what seemed like forever and then ran away.

"Why didn't you take the shot, Gramps?" the young hunter asked.

The seasoned hunter remained motionless, looking toward the one that got away. Then he spoke softly. "Boy, you know me better than that. And you know very well that the land on the other side of this fence is off limits."

The grandson grew very quiet as his grandfather continued. "Young man, I've been around for a lot of years and managed to build a pretty good reputation for being on the up-and-up when it comes to following the rules. I'm not about to let an old buck tempt me into messing up now. I'm too close to the end of my season for such foolishness."

No shots were fired that day, but a great harvest took place in the boy's heart. He learned firsthand what integrity looks like. If he imitated what was personified in the life of his gramps, the young man would do well in and out of the woods.

—Steve Chapman in A Look at Life from a Deer Stand Devotional

My Response: When I am tempted to "break the rules," I will stop and evaluate the impact the decision would have on myself and others.

Thought to Apply: You must bless the church and the world by your holiness, or you will curse them both by your hypocrisy and inconsistency.—Charles Spurgeon (British preacher)

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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Top Verses For Sexual Purity Podcast – 003 – Not Even an Hint – Ephesians 5:3

This post is from a friend of mine Jeff Fisher.  Jeff has a great website and podcast at Porn to Purity.com.  I shared this verse with my Accountability Partner and we've kind of made it our theme verse.  You can't escape the words "not even a hint".  That phrase has helped me avoid some bad choices.  Click the link and download the podcast.

Post from:  http://porntopurity.com/blog/2011/01/09/top-verses-for-sexual-purity-podcast-003-not-even-an-hint-ephesians-53/

TOP VERSES FOR SEXUAL PURITY PODCAST
Two times a week we focus on a verse or passage from the Bible that is specific to sexual purity.

We read it, meditate on it, talk about it, and gather some recovery principles.

Click HERE to download directly

PURITY VERSE:
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
Ephesians 5:3
TODAY’S EPISODE:  Jeff shares thoughts and recovery tips around Ephesians 5:3… a mammoth verse calling us to the highest standard of sexual purity.  We settle for our standards for purity, but we need to believe and adopt God’s standard.

by Jeff Fisher on January 9, 2011

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Man Up Men! Live Christlike!
Walter
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